


Genesis

by Aearyn



Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Genre: F/M, NSFW, Questionable Consent, sexual healing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-11
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-13 08:32:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 37,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12980172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aearyn/pseuds/Aearyn
Summary: Azeraya is a former Jedi traveling with her cousin (a Jedi consular who has also cut ties with the order); she develops a crush on a crewmate that leads to disastrous results. When she discovers something devastating about herself, she heads to Voss to try to sort it out, but only finds more questions.





	1. A Brutal Discovery

**Author's Note:**

> Azeraya - pronounced Ah-zeh-RYE-uh
> 
> Okay, so if any of you have read my other fic, Atonement, you will definitely notice that the first few chapters are very similar. This is because they started out as the same fic, but somewhere along the way, as characters do, my girl accidentally fell in love with the healer. At that point I decided to diverge the two fics. But rather than post them as they were (with the exact same heroine), I adjusted this one so the story is a little different, and created a new character for it. 
> 
> This fic is also a lot less NSFW than the other; there's still a lot of sex but nothing that dirty. This one is more consistently romantic. 
> 
> I do have a lot of chapters already written, so while it's not 'finished' yet, I likely will be able to finish it in the next couple months.
> 
> Enjoy!

Azeraya was relieved to be on Alderaan; at least, she was _this_ time. The last time she'd been here, she was forced to socialize with what seemed like hundreds of Alderaanian nobles. Excessive social interaction exhausted and eventually upset her, and despite the planet's natural beauty she'd thought she never wanted to see the place again.

But this time Zell had told Az she could just explore while she took care of whatever it was she'd been hired to do on the planet, taking Felix and Nadia with her. 

Qyzen and Tharan were both off working on their own projects, which left Az alone on the ship with Zenith when Zell had left. Even before the other three had disembarked, he'd mostly kept to himself, seemingly busy with his work for Balmorra.

Az knew her cousin was trying to be helpful, further her fledgling interest in the gruff twi'lek, give her the opportunity to speak to him without others overhearing. Zell knew Az was shy, and had suggested she talk to Zenith, on multiple occasions. But the times she had spoken to him had been met with what she pegged as indifference, so there was no reason for Zell to keep trying.

Az realized she’d paused in the act of braiding her pale amber hair and was gazing into space; she sighed and finished her task, chiding herself for daydreaming – again – about something that didn’t, and would never, exist. It was almost like she reveled in the angst it caused her, this infatuation of hers. She didn’t pine after him on purpose, but something about him drew her, more than almost anyone had before.

A lot of Jedi had carnal relationships, of course. And she no longer felt bound by the Jedi strictures, but it was a little difficult to fully overcome decades of training. Sex wasn't strictly forbidden, just looked down upon. Romantic relationships were even more taboo. You couldn’t let your emotions get involved. She had never quite understood that – how strong could one be if they weren't allowed to love, or be loved? For a long time she thought she'd understood why the rule existed; love and certainly passion could give way to jealousy, anger, hatred, if one wasn’t careful. Now she doubted even this reasoning, but it didn't matter; she'd never had to be careful before. She was yet to have a relationship that had advanced beyond tentative, stolen kisses; shared secrets and whispers in the shadowy alcoves of the academy on Tython.

Once or twice over the past few years, she'd been close to having something more, but her duties as a Jedi had usurped these nascent affairs. Now, after what had happened with that Cathar village…she regretted she'd wasted so much time dancing to the Jedi's tune. Their beliefs were too extreme, to the point of being harmful.

When she'd met Zenith upon joining her cousin's crew, she'd immediately felt a strong attraction to him. But that didn't mean anything; she'd been attracted to a few people here and there, and she'd gotten over it.

But being in these close quarters with him, seeing him on a daily basis for months, had only aggravated her longing. The fact that he was so gruff and terse also seemed to magnify the draw, although she couldn't figure out why. Why would that appeal to her? He wasn’t rude exactly, certainly not to her. And she’d definitely never been attracted to anyone for being short with her, barely wanting to speak with her at all. It was ridiculous, really.

Especially when he clearly didn’t see her as anything other than another Jedi; the cousin of the one he'd come to trust, the one he'd befriended. She was just another member of the crew, and a new one at that.

And she was terribly inept at…being enticing, one might say.  She’d seen some women who could make men fall at their feet with a sway of the hips and a turn of the head. She was emphatically not one of those women. Having zero experience and almost as little self-confidence in her womanly charms was not very helpful.

She'd made the mistake of going to Zell for advice once, several weeks ago.  

At first her cousin had been surprised, and then very amused. Azeraya wasn’t sure how to take her reaction. Was it that funny that she should want to be seen as a woman?

Zell had been immediately contrite. “I’m sorry, you’re just so…calm most of the time, I just assumed you wouldn’t be interested in that sort of thing. But it’s only natural, I mean Zenith is quite a looker.”

At this point Azeraya had nearly left, sure she had made a mistake by bringing it up. But Zell had given her some vague advice, told her to 'be herself'; she'd also been brought up a Jedi, and although she had a lot more experience than Zell, she wasn't exactly Miss Seductive herself. Azeraya had thanked her, but made her promise not to try to interfere, and to keep it secret at all costs.

So far Zell had kept her word, up until this current stunt (which she only suspected, and couldn't prove) but Azeraya wasn’t faring any better than before. She’d even looked up some articles on the holonet about how to ‘flirt’ – she thought she was getting better at it, honestly, but Zenith was still oblivious. The only time she’d even gotten any reaction from him was when she mentioned something about enjoying a little violence; he’d raised an eyebrow at that, and she’d felt stupid for saying it. While it may be true that she was drawn to danger (considering Zenith’s past and personality, that seemed pretty accurate), why would a man find that attractive? It didn’t make sense. Damn the holonet and its dubious advice.

She decided she needed to stop moping, and some physical exertion was bound to help her. She determined to take her practice staff out and do some training exercises; that usually served to get her mind off of things.

It would be nice to get out into nature on Alderaan, rather than try to practice in the cramped quarters of the ship.  She donned close-fitting pants and a thin, breathable shirt suitable for exercise, and made her way to the ship’s exit.

Zenith was opening some crates in the cargo bay as she passed; her heart sped up slightly, but she kept moving.

"Heading out, Jedi?"

Why he insisted on calling her that, she didn't know – at least he called Zell by her name. Perhaps he couldn't even be bothered to remember her name…

"Yes, just doing some training, I'll be back in a couple hours."

She readied one of the speeders – she'd have to get some ways away from the spaceport in order to find a deserted spot – and he helpfully opened the large cargo door of the ship for her. She swallowed, embarrassed that this small favor had brought a faint blush to her cheeks.

"Have fun." She nodded, and sped off into the afternoon sun.

Twenty minutes later, and she'd found a nice clearing, and sat down to meditate for a bit to center herself. How she'd missed the smell of leaves, sap, and flowers…she was very glad to be outside once more, and the clear air was doing much for her perturbed state of mind.

She could do the moves almost in her sleep; she always used the same routine when she was alone. It was a familiar balm, the exertion clearing her mind as well as strengthening her body. She whipped her staff this way and that, twirling it, tossing it, lunging with it. Her footwork was like a dance as she whirled about. After about thirty minutes of this her clothes were damp with sweat, her mind blessedly blank for the first time in days, maybe weeks.

But it couldn’t last – she had to stop at some point, if only for water.  As she walked to the edge of the clearing where she’d left her things, she stopped abruptly.

Zenith was there, leaning against a tree. Leaves swayed in the breeze above him, causing shadow patterns to dance across his lekku. His violet eyes bored into her.

And there went her composure. She was only a little embarrassed that he’d seen her practicing; in the past few months, he’d seen her in much worse circumstances, her hair a mess, blood on her face, dirt on her clothes. A little sweat was nothing to be ashamed of. But she regretted that he chased away her calm so easily…she wasn’t sure what to say to him; she never was.

“Sorry for interrupting,” he said as she continued toward him, determined to grab her water and drink it as if nothing was wrong.

“No need to apologize.  Is there…something you needed?” She looked up at him as she bent to retrieve her water, and she could have sworn she saw something in his face as he looked at her. Something…hungry. She must have imagined it.

Then he definitely swallowed.  And didn’t answer.

She hated the feeling of uncertainty he gave her. She was never good with people, but normally she could at least hold a conversation. But not with him – she could never tell what he was thinking, or what she should do around him.  He chased away what little self-assurance she had. It was disconcerting.

Suddenly the thought occurred to her that it might be nice to take out her frustrations directly _on_ him, so to speak. If she didn't have confidence enough to converse with him, she thought she at least had enough faith in her physical abilities to not be embarrassed by those…

“Would you like to spar with me?” she asked, trying to read his reaction. His brow lowered slightly, and she thought he sighed a little. But he accepted. She handed Zenith her staff, “no point giving myself an unfair advantage,” and looked around the clearing for a suitable ‘weapon’. She spotted a decently straight branch that was dangling 20’ overhead, and she reached out a hand and used the Force to pull it from the tree and into her hand.

“If you’re going to dance around like you were earlier I don’t stand a chance,” Zenith said as they headed back toward the center of the clearing.

She felt her heart skip a beat. Was that a compliment? From Zenith?

“No promises,” she answered.

They took up their positions, and immediately she took the offense, not wanting him to think she’d go easy on him. She had seen him in melee combat before, even though he normally used a blaster rifle when they were on missions. Sometimes you couldn’t avoid close combat. He was quite good at it, really. But she wasn’t cutting him any slack.

They danced around each other for another 5 minutes, one or the other of them occasionally getting a blow in. He looked a little contrite the first time he got through her guard and brought the staff against her arm with a resounding thump, but she just shook it off and kept going. After she got him in the gut with the branch once or twice he seemed a little less inclined to treat her like a delicate flower.

They seemed fairly evenly matched, but it only took one moment for her to be distracted by the corded muscles in his forearm, visible now where he’d rolled up his shirt sleeves, as he reached out to block one of her blows.  His staff came around quickly and swept against her legs, knocking her feet out from under her. She fell with a thud, the breath knocked out of her for a moment. She was about to jump back up when she realized he was holding his hand out to help her.

She took it, and was startled when he yanked her to her feet, causing her to stumble against him. With one hand in his she put her other on his chest to brace herself, and then couldn’t repress a quick intake of breath  as she took in the muscles beneath her palm. She’d never touched him before. She looked up at him, and felt like those violet eyes could suffocate her and she wouldn’t even care.

Abruptly he stepped back, swearing.

“I’m sorry, Jedi. I shouldn’t…I need to go.” He tossed her staff at her feet and turned.

“Zenith, wait!”

He ignored, her stalking back in the direction of the ship.

Dammit! For one brief second, it seemed like maybe he wasn’t oblivious after all. And then his usual terse personality had reasserted itself. She sighed heavily and picked up her staff, tossing the branch into the woods. She gathered her things, wiped her face with the small towel she’d brought, and headed back to the ship herself.

***

When she returned, she went directly to her room and showered. Showering didn’t really help; their encounter was all she could think about. She analyzed it incessantly, every movement, every nuance of his tone.

She dressed halfheartedly when she got out, absently putting on a tank top and underwear before flopping down on the bed, her mind racing.

After trying to distract herself  from the situation for several hours by reading some holo novel Nadia had recommended, finally she gave up. Maybe if she gave herself a little physical release, she could stop thinking about him; maybe then she could meditate herself to sleep.

She felt her heart drop out of her chest when her door buzzed.

“Who-who is it?” she asked, panicking a little, grabbing the blanket off the bed and throwing it over her shoulders.

She heard Zenith’s voice. She wasn’t sure what to do. Turn him away? Let him in? She was fully covered now, but looked like an idiot, with her blanket wrapped around her as if it were 12 degrees in her room.

Before she could think it through, and then lose her nerve, she opened the door with a flick of her wrist. It hesitated for a moment, then opened, and Zenith stepped through. She closed the door again, not wanting anyone to chance by and see her standing there like that.

Zenith looked a little perplexed, and a little…something else.

“Are you…cold?” he asked.

“I…no, I just got out of the shower, and I hadn’t fully gotten dressed yet…” that sounded even stupider – why let him in if she wasn’t dressed? Well, she could think of several reasons, but none that would make sense to _him_.

“You’re making this really difficult for me.”

“What?”

He put a hand to the back of his neck, rubbed it.

“I came to apologize. For earlier.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” she lied. Was he apologizing for something that didn’t quite happen, or for walking away from her?

“I’m not sure you do, Jedi. But I--”

“Zenith…I have a name.” She couldn’t help herself; he was in her room, and he little knew it but she was scantily clad under the blanket, and he was still calling her “Jedi” as if she were a piece of furniture.

He stared at her for a few seconds before answering. “Very well. Azeraya.”

She closed her eyes for a moment; she'd imagined him saying her name before. This wasn't the same context, certainly, but she would take it. “Thank you. I don’t think you have anything to apologize for, but please, continue.”

She perched on the end of her bed, looking up at him. He still looked very uncomfortable.

“I'm planning on going back to Balmorra. For a while.”

She almost dropped the blanket in shock. This was definitely not what she’d expected.

“But…but why?” she knew her voice was a little plaintive, but she just couldn’t be bothered to maintain her calm façade right now.

“Because…” he looked at the floor, then back at her. “Because I can’t be around you anymore.”

Her face fell, hurt replacing her surprise.  “Oh. I see.”

“No, you don’t!” He sounded angry now. “You don’t see, because you can’t. Jedi think that everyone can go through life without ever getting close to anyone, that they don’t need a love life, a sex life. But some people do, and I feel bad every day because of the way I look at you when you’re not watching – it’s not appropriate, and that’s another reason why I’m sorry. Gods dammit, I meant to apologize for storming off earlier, not tell you all this, but it’s just the truth. Look, I should just go,” he continued, turning back to the door.

“Zenith, wait,” she said, grabbing his wrist. He stopped, but didn’t turn around. She let the blanket fall to the floor, shocked at her own temerity, but suddenly feeling a surge of desire for him that bolstered her courage. "I'm not a Jedi, any longer."

Finally he turned, and when he saw her, her pale skin luminous, the thin shirt she wore skimming her hips, stretching taught across her breasts, he let out a pained groan, and immediately, roughly, grabbed her waist – the fabric was so thin she could feel the callouses on his hands as he gripped her. He pulled her to him, but still didn’t kiss her.  “You have no idea how dangerous you are…” She wasn’t sure what he meant, but she was encouraged.

“Why did you leave earlier, Zenith? I could have told you then how I…” she stopped short of saying “felt” – if all he wanted was a physical interlude, she would be satisfied with that, at least for the time being. “I could have explained,” she said instead.

“I left, Azeraya, because I was so hard for you that I thought I might take you right there in the damn forest.”

She felt a rush of arousal thrum painfully between her legs. She had never been this turned on before – certainly she’d had her fantasies, but touching herself while she thought of Zenith was a poor second to having him in front of her, saying things like that.

To make sure he understood how she felt about this, she slid her arms up his chest and around his neck, pulling him down towards her just a little.

Finally he kissed her. His lips bruised hers; for a first real kiss it was rather brutal, but she wasn't sure she minded. She didn’t really know what to do but he was so forceful she just followed his lead. His tongue played along her lips, and she obediently parted them; she made a little noise when his tongue slipped into her mouth. This was what kissing was like, she thought…how had she gone 30 years without this? No wonder people wanted to have physical relationships…

She gasped as he slid his hands over her, splaying his fingers across her lower back, crushing her to him even more.

She could feel his arousal pressing against her; she began to feel a little bit nervous – of course she knew very well what happened when people had sex, but not having actually done it…

“I know you're not a Jedi any longer, Azeraya…but I never would have thought you were one of _those_ Jedi,” he murmured in between kisses. She was confused for a minute, but then she realized what he meant: those Jedi that have frequent physical relationships, bedding almost anyone of their preferred persuasion that came across their path, usually without any type of emotional relationship to go along with it. She wanted to deny it, but she was so afraid he would think she was naïve. She definitely wasn’t telling him she was a virgin – he’d probably leave the room in disgust.

She didn’t say anything, but instead reached up and stroked his lekku; he shuddered, and then reached down and put his hands on her thighs, just below the bottom of her shirt.

She was getting more nervous, but this was what she’d wanted, all this time, wasn't it? For him to see her as a woman, and not as a Jedi, former or otherwise? She couldn't jeopardize it now. And everything he was doing that was making her uncertain was also making her intensely wet.

He slid his hands up her legs, lifting the hem of her shirt, caressing her back.

With her other hand she pulled at his shirt; he removed his hands for a few seconds only, to pull his shirt up over his head.

Galaxies and stars, but look at his body! she thought, her eyes widening. His muscles were firm and taut, and she counted no less than 8 scars crisscrossing his chest and arms. She explored his skin with her left hand while her right continued rubbing up and down his lekku (something she’d picked up in her holonet studies, a tidbit that seemed to actually be accurate for once).

He bent to kiss her neck…his fingers slipped beneath the top edge of her underwear, pushing them down; within a second they were on the floor.

Then she realized he was unfastening his pants.

She panicked for a second; was this really what she wanted them to do? Was this how she felt about him, was this what she wanted her first time – _their_ first time – to be?  There wasn’t really any romance going on here…but what did she know about romance? Absolutely nothing. She'd been thinking about Zenith in this context for months, and those thoughts were about to become reality; it was stupid to back out now. She didn’t know if she could, or if he could. She didn’t really know how those things worked. But she had instigated this – she had dropped the blanket, taken his hand, specifically insinuated that she welcomed his advances. How could she do all that and then reject him? It wouldn’t be fair. She should take what she was getting and be happy with it.

To try and show she knew what she was doing (even though she didn’t), she put her hands on his own hips, and began pushing his pants down over them.  All too soon, they were off, and he’d kicked his boots off too and the pants joined them on the floor. She gasped…he seemed gratified by this; thankfully he had no idea her reaction was shock due to never been this close to a naked man, rather than being impressed at his size.  She wasn’t about to tell him.

He pushed her down on the bed.

She had a doubt. Maybe she really should stop them now, before this got too far (it was already too far)…she put her hands against his chest. “Zenith….”

He’d pushed her shirt up over her hips now, and was pushing her legs apart. She felt almost betrayed by her body's reaction; she'd already been thinking rather naughty thoughts before he'd even come into her room, and now her lust was raging. Her hips seemed to lift toward him of their own accord.

He slipped a finger inside her, and she cried out; how could she stop him when he was doing things like this – her body wanted her to come, but her mind and her heart wanted her to scream out for him to wait, to do this more slowly, to take their time with more kisses and sweet caresses, she didn’t want just a hurried bang in her quarters. But her back arched as he slid two fingers inside her, his thumb finding the spot she had only ever stroked herself. His hands penetrating her most intimate places was both profoundly arousing and terrifying at the same time.

“So tight,” he marveled as he continued to stroke her. He sounded almost in awe; little did he know it wasn’t as odd as he thought, considering she’d never been with anyone before.  

“Zenith, wait…”she finally found the presence of mind to say.

He hesitated for a moment, but then, as he withdrew his fingers and climbed up the bed to position himself between her legs, he said “I forgot what you said about liking a little violence.” Her eyes widened…she had no idea that particular idiotic statement would come back to haunt her, especially in this situation. She hadn't even thought he was listening… “I can’t bring myself to be violent with you, but if you want to tell me no, go ahead, because I know you can just Force throw me any time you want.”

Her breath was coming in shallow gasps now; at least, if she did have to Force throw him, he would understand…maybe. “No, I really mean it Zenith, I’m not ready for this…” she finally made herself say.

“Fine, I’ll play your game.” He spread her legs further.

She had never felt so torn in her whole life. Half of her desperately wanted him inside her; the other half desperately wanted him to stop.  But she’d managed to tell him no, and he didn’t understand (which wasn’t really his fault, given the previous encouragement she’d given, even if some of it had been an accident). She was going to have to use the Force.

She prepared to put up a Force barrier between herself and him…

…and found that she couldn’t.

She couldn’t draw on the Force.  She whimpered; she felt his length pressing into her, and tried again. Nothing.

Zenith took her wrists in his; she was so shocked at what felt like a betrayal from the one thing she’d come to rely on most over her life, that she almost didn’t even register it. His other hand slid up across her belly, the thin fabric of her shirt sliding easily out of the way, over her ribs, and came to rest over her breast; again she flashed back to her fantasies of him. But this wasn’t how she’d imagined it.

He held her wrists above her head with one hand, and she knew there was nothing she could do. She cried out as he slid into her, murmuring again into her hair about how tight she was, groaning as he slid deeper still. Stars above, it hurt – it had somehow never occurred to her how much it would hurt, the first time. How naïve she was. 

It seemed he could hear the actual pain in her voice, and he immediately let go of her wrists, and put his hand to her face, kissing her.  “I’m sorry, I should be more careful, you’re so…” he trailed off.

She wondered if maybe his ‘forceful’ manner had been more for her benefit than his; maybe this wouldn’t be so bad, if he just kept being sweet to her, rather than being turned on by her pleas.  To encourage this she slid her hands around his neck, kissed him back.

He reached down and put a hand under her lower back, lifting it slightly. She gasped as he slid in further. Now he was fully inside her, his hips digging into her thighs. It still hurt, but there was something else there, something she’d never felt before.

He pushed, and she made a noise in her throat that he correctly interpreted as pleasure. Being more careful this time, he withdrew, and slowly slid back in, then again, harder.

Her body overrode her mind, and she forgot for a moment why she might not want this to happen.  She felt the pressure building – she’d had orgasms before, of course, but this wasn’t the same, this was so much more. Having him inside her, filling her; what she’d done for herself before seemed paltry in comparison. He kept his hand on her face, brushing her pale flame of hair away from her cheek, kissing her gently, then more insistently as the noises she made grew more frenzied.

She dug her fingers into his muscled back; he growled against her ear, the sound sending shivers down her spine. She didn’t know if she was supposed to come now or wait for him…she was almost to that point but then her uncertainty pulled her back a little bit.

“Please, Azeraya, I can’t…” his obvious pleasure brought her back to the precipice. Then; “come for me, Az. Please, I need to feel you come.”

She came. Explosively. She cried out his name, her body shuddering in ecstasy, her orgasm radiating out from between her legs to race down every nerve, pulsating over and over again as he continued thrusting.  Then she felt him push into her one last time, hard, felt him pulsing within her as he came, groaning her name into her hair.

She was panting, and so was he. He lowered himself a little and nuzzled her neck; she kept her arms around him, not wanting him to see her face just yet.

Because now that it was over, she felt crushed. By her own actions, by him, by the absence of the Force when she needed it. But she didn’t blame him.  How could he know that she really hadn’t been able to use the Force? She could have told him at the time… _should_ have. But she’d been so confused; she still was. Horribly confused, and conflicted.

The bottom line was, she was no longer a virgin, and Zenith had rather roughly taken her virginity. They could never replicate this first time, even if they came out of this with any sort of relationship intact.

Zenith untangled her arms from around her neck, and she did her best to school her features so he wouldn’t notice her grief.  He rolled to the side, extended his arm, tucked her into him, seemingly oblivious to her devastation. Well, that’s what she was going for. A Force user might be able to see through her façade, but thankfully he could not.

His manner was comforting her somewhat; at least he hadn’t told her she was “a good lay” or something equally awful, and sauntered out.  He stroked her cheek with the back of his hand.

“Well. That was…really amazing.”

Even in her distress, she managed to feel a little gratified. At least he’d been satisfied with their encounter; she could say that for herself.

“Agreed,” she replied softly. She wasn’t sure what else she was supposed to say, but apparently words weren’t necessary. He kissed the top of her head and squeezed her a little tighter.

Was this normal? Did this mean he...had tender feelings toward her? Or was this just what people did after sex? Maybe this is the sort of thing she should have looked up on the holonet…it wasn’t like she was about to ask Zell something so personal. 

After a short time, his breathing slowed, and she knew he slept. She lay there for a while, wanting to enjoy the feeling of being cradled against him, but her stomach was in knots.

What was wrong with her? What made her unable to use the Force when she’d called it? That had never happened to her in her entire life.

She didn’t feel very confident about her ability to engage in any further physical interludes with Zenith, or with anyone, unless she could figure this out. It was something intrinsic to her being, and she was sick with worry over it already. And she couldn’t tell Zenith about it, because then he’d realize what had happened to her tonight. And he’d feel unpardonably guilty. She couldn’t do that to him. But if she didn’t tell him, and couldn’t fix it…what if he did this again? Without knowing? The thought made her stomach clench up even more.

And to add to her distress, she couldn’t even enjoy this situation – laying naked with Zenith, his arm tight around her, his glorious body sprawled out across her bed. She’d fantasized about this before, but she was so anxious she couldn’t even take much joy from it.

Then she remembered something that Zell had said to her, when she'd told her cousin about their time on Voss, and how different it was. Something about Voss healers providing therapy in all sorts of realms – mental, physical, even sexual – the latter mostly for Force-users. At the time she was glad Zell hadn't elaborated, but now... 

What if this had something to do with it? What if this was some sort of…Jedi affliction? It seemed stupid, but if there was a way to fix this…she had to find it.

She carefully moved Zenith’s arm, wriggled out from the bed, and drew the blanket up over him. She pulled her shirt back down, and found her shorts on the floor, slipping them on.  She went around the corner to her ‘desk’ area and began searching the holonet for anything on the Voss healers. She couldn’t find much, considering that Voss was newly discovered, but there were a few mentions, enough to encourage her. She determined to head to Voss as soon as she could, maybe she could even speak to the Voss that had traveled with her cousin for some time. She considered asking Zell, but... she'd want to know too many details, and there was no way she was telling her about this. She wasn't telling anyone.

But somehow or other, she needed to find out what was going on, and fix this Force-ailment, if she was going to have any chance at a relationship – with Zenith, or anyone else.

***

She maintained her calm demeanor until Zenith left early the next morning. After she showered, she went to see if Zell had returned, to ask her leave to go to Voss for personal business.

Zell was surprised; Azeraya was not usually one to make spontaneous decisions. She was further bewildered when Az asked if Zell could provide an introduction to Gaden-Ko; but Az explained that she needed to do some research there and since the Voss were very insular she thought it would be best if she had some sort of liaison.

"I can tell you don't want to give me details, but….are you sure you won't tell me what's going on, Az?" they were seated in the kitchen, Az warming her hands around a cup of caf, a necessity after the near-sleepless night she'd spent.

"I would prefer not to get into it," Az replied, "but…I will say, it's related to my use of the Force, and I've read that the Voss have a particular meditation method that I want to learn about."

Zell sat back, squinting at her cousin. "Fine, well, I'm not stopping you, and yes I'll send a message to Gaden-Ko immediately, ask him to expect you."

Az spontaneously reached across and hugged her cousin, and then got up to ready her things.

She nearly bumped into Zenith on her way out.

 “Jedi,” he said quietly, glancing at Zell, who was leaving the room as well. "What is going on? Are you leaving?"

His confusion was patent, and she felt guilty leaving without giving him any explanation. But she really had none to give, not yet.

“I’m…sorry to leave like this. But it’s just something I need to do, it's…Force related.” She looked away from him as she said this, unable to lie while looking into his violet eyes. But it wasn’t really a lie, was it? It was indeed her Force sensitivity, or lack thereof, that had caused this problem.

“Is this…because of what happened? I thought…” he trailed off, cleared his throat.

"Not exactly," she replied, and saw his frown deepen. "I can't really explain right now, but I will when I get back, I promise."

He sighed, but didn’t ask her about it again.

Half an hour later, she was leaving the spaceport on a transport bound for Voss.


	2. Voss

As expected, Gaden-Ko welcomed her, and even invited her to stay in his family’s home. Once he’d offered her tea, she asked if she could speak with him about a private matter.

She'd turned this over in her mind a million times on the way to the planet, and decided the best course of action was simply to ask the only Voss she knew. Well, she didn't even know him yet at that point, but she would. And some embarrassment with one person, however severe, couldn't compare to the horror she felt when she thought of approaching multiple strangers, and asking them about such a personal matter.

 He gestured toward a small sitting room off the main room of his home, and she took a seat. She reminded herself that if they had healers for this, and he was familiar with them, then hopefully it wasn't as touchy of a subject for him as it was for her.

She still spoke a little haltingly.

“My cousin said that…Voss mystics are proficient at many types of healing. For instance, Force-related?”

Gaden-Ko nodded, but didn’t quite pick up on what she meant right away. “Yes, the Mystics are proficient at many types of therapy; they are able to heal wounds of the spirit, of the mind, of the body—“ he noticed she was looking down, and broke off. “Ah, I see. I believe I understand what you are referring to, and I can take you to the Mystics’ enclave where they handle such things.”

She thanked him profusely – for introducing her to the parties in question, but even more for not asking her for details. She was inordinately relieved that she hadn't had to spell anything out for him.

The enclave was not terribly far, only half an hour’s walk to the north from where they now sat. She agreed to walking, happy for this chance to soak in the beautiful landscape of Voss.

On the way she told him a little of Zell's activities since he'd left the ship, before she'd arrived, and gave him an update on the other crew members that he was acquainted with. She was proud she managed to mention Zenith without stammering at all.

All too soon they arrived at the enclave, which was set rather far apart from other buildings in the area, and as they entered there was only a small room in the front from which several doors led off to other rooms. Gaden-Ko led her through the far-right door, into a room whose floor was covered in thick, soft rugs, in the center of which a young female Voss sat, meditating.

The young woman looked up as they entered.

“Tana-Re,” Gaden-Ko bowed to her. “I have brought a guest of mine, Azeraya, a Jedi who is in need of our assistance.”

“Thank you, Gaden-Ko,” she responded. She nodded to him, and he in turn took his leave of Azeraya; she was surprised at the brevity of this introduction but supposed this was a rather personal situation and he wouldn’t want to intrude as she began speaking with the Mystic.

Tana-Re gestured to Azeraya. “Hello, Jedi. Please, sit.”

Azeraya knelt on the floor a couple of feet across from her. “Should I…tell you what the issue is now?”

“Please begin meditation, and hold out your hand. I will be able to determine what ails you more easily that way.”

She was surprised but did as she was bid, closing her eyes and focusing the Force. Thankfully it responded exactly as she expected; she’d tested it multiple times since the night before with the same result, but ever since she’d been unable to use it during her encounter with Zenith, she was nervous every time she called upon it.

She felt her spirit calm somewhat as she meditated, and then held out her hand. Tana-Re did not touch her, but merely put her hand just above Azeraya’s upturned one. She could feel Tana-Re’s Force ability brushing up against her own, probing. This went on for about five minutes, until finally Tana-Re said that she had all the information she needed. She opened her eyes, surprised and a little skeptical, but she knew better than to question the Mystics’ methods; she’d come to them for help, after all.

Tana-Re led her into the center of three doors that led off from this chamber, into yet another chamber. This one also had luxurious rugs, and some well-cushioned chairs around the perimeter, but was otherwise empty. Tana-Re left her in this room for a moment, continuing through another door. If she went through many more doors, Azeraya thought, she wouldn’t be able to find her way out again.

After a few moments, Tana-Re returned with a tall, broad-shouldered Voss, his skin a beautiful pearlescent shade of cerulean. He bowed to her, introduced himself as Valen-Zo in a deep, melodic multi-tonal voice. She found his voice quite soothing and lovely, and wondered if she would be working with him on whatever…treatment she was supposed to undergo.

Oddly, she hadn’t really considered much what form the treatment would take. She assumed there would be a lot of meditation involved, but beyond that she had no idea. Well, she was soon to find out.

Valen-Zo motioned her to follow him through the door, and they entered another room, this one with a large platform in the center with various pillows, cushions, and blankets on it, with curtains hanging on either side. As she looked up she saw that the heavy curtains could be closed all the way around the platform. Well, that was interesting.

There was incense burning in the room, and as she inhaled it she immediately had a strange feeling. It didn’t affect the clarity of her thoughts, per se, but she began to feel a little flushed and…aroused? That was _very_ odd. There was nothing particularly enticing about her surroundings. She glanced at Valen-Zo to see what his reaction was; he was watching her.

“You have noticed the incense. It is meant to inspire a feeling of lowered inhibition, to help the healing process.”

“Oh. Umm, yes of course.” She blushed a little, and he chuckled and gave her what was almost a smile. “I’m afraid I don’t really…know much about this whole process, Valen-Zo.”

“Of course,” he replied, gesturing her to seat herself on the cushion-covered platform. “Tana-Re has told me that your Force-affliction causes you to lose your power over the Force at certain…inopportune times, is that correct?”

Azeraya’s eyes widened in shock. She had no idea they could tell that much from a simple meditative link. Then she flushed again, suddenly realizing she’d have to tell this man all her secrets, her sexual history (or lack thereof), and the details of what had happened to her the day before.

On the other hand, he’d confirmed that he was familiar with her issue, and that gave her hope.

Well, she may as well just get it over with. No use being embarrassed about it – this was what these healers did, right?

“Yes, that is correct. And I have only just found this out. I…didn’t even know such afflictions existed until yesterday.”

“Had you never tried to draw on the Force during sex before? Or were you a virgin up until recently?”

The incense seemed to be having its intended effect – she was feeling less and less embarrassed to spill her life story to him.

“I was a virgin, yes.”

“Understood. Before we begin, I would like you to confirm you understand you will be sharing intimate details of your life. This is required for the diagnosis phase of treatment. If you do not wish to continue, you are free to leave before we begin.”

She was of course aware this would be part of the process, so she nodded her agreement.

“Very well, then. Please meditate for me, holding out both hands, similar to what you did with Tana-Re.”

She did as requested, finding it even easier this time, presumably due to the atmosphere of “lowered inhibitions”, as Valen-Zo had termed it.

Unlike Tana-Re, he immediately took her hands in his own. His hands were large, warm, and smooth. She could not only feel his Force-ability touching hers, but rather it enveloped her, enfolded her, searching at the edges of her awareness.

They remained this way for some time, but Azeraya was perfectly happy to continue; being surrounded by someone else’s Force aura in a non-threatening way was an odd experience. She'd felt something similar to it once or twice when Zell had healed her after combat, but it was much less…encompassing than this.

Finally Valen-Zo let go of her hands and told her to open her eyes. He looked a little bit concerned.

“Your affliction is deep-seated. I cannot guarantee that we can eradicate it, but I am sure we can make progress.”

Well, that was disappointing, but progress was better than nothing.

“I understand. Can you explain what the issue is to me? As I said, I am totally unfamiliar with it.”

“As you know, the Force can be wielded by certain people because they are able to assert control over it, bending it to their will. However, with some Force-users, extreme sexual arousal seems to disrupt their control.” This sounded a little farfetched, but Azeraya couldn’t argue; she’d experienced it first-hand.

“We have noticed this among our own people for quite some time; it is why this facility exists, to help our Mystics who have experienced it. More recently, we have been seeing Sith and Jedi who have learned of this treatment. In my experience, Sith are more likely to lose control in ways that cause damage to nearby property.” Azeraya couldn’t help but smile a little at this. “Most Jedi, on the other hand, are apt to lose their grip on the Force and become unable to wield it properly, if at all.”

Azeraya found herself fervently wishing that someone at the Academy had ever mentioned this to her. Did Zell even know such a thing existed? It was almost cruel to let people find this out for themselves.

“It is in fact a fairly rare disorder, and some have it worse than others. I’m afraid yours seems to be severe, but as I said, we can attempt to treat it.”

She nodded. _Of course_ she had a severe case.  Oh well – no use lamenting it now. After all, it only affected her sex life, which was until recently non-existent. She thought of Zenith…and hoped that there was something they could do for her. She didn’t want to think about having to tell him what had happened…

“There is one problem, however.” Valen-Zo’s amber-red eyes were fixed on her. “You may be…uncomfortable with the treatment, given that you have very little sexual experience.”

What did that mean? Did you have to be experienced in order to benefit from this, somehow?

“Why is that relevant?”

“Tell me, what would you assume this treatment involved?”

She thought about it. “I…hadn’t really thought about it much, but I would assume a lot of meditation exercises? Perhaps some physical ones as well?”

“That is correct, in a sense. But the physical aspect of the treatment is probably more intimate than what you are thinking of.” He watched her while these words sunk in.

Again, due to whatever was in the incense, her pale green eyes widened only slightly as she worked through this statement.

“You mean…there’s actual sex involved?”

He nodded. “Quite a lot of it actually.”

“Oh.”

“Indeed.” He was silent for another moment, then continued. “If you are not comfortable with this, we can try meditation only, but I can tell you now, that will do little good in your case.”

She pondered this for several minutes. She had just had sex for the first time, literally yesterday. It had been…not the best experience, due partially to her stupidity and partially to her affliction. And now she was supposed to have sex with someone else? And wait a minute…

“Who with?”

“Me, for one. As long as you are comfortable with it.”

Oh, stars. Now she felt a blush blazing on her face, despite the stupid incense. Not to mention…for one? What did that mean? She asked him.

“The treatment may involve a few different…situational therapies,” he replied. “Obviously, you are free to refuse any of the methods, if you wish.”

Suddenly she seriously doubted her ability to go through with this. She was likely to, at minimum, triple the number of sexual partners she’d had, within just a few days. That seemed…unhealthy. But it wasn’t like she was sleeping with everyone she came across. There was a purpose to this, she wasn’t just doing it for entertainment.

She thought of Zenith again. Would he hate her for doing this? Would he even care? At this point, she didn’t know how she could salvage their…whatever they had started. But she knew she would have a very hard time sleeping with him, or with anyone, ever again, if she didn’t at least try…something.

Not only that, but she felt like she might go insane with the constant fear that the Force would fail her. Even though now she knew it was based on arousal…logically, that may be the case, but she knew the rest of her life would suffer from that fear as well.

“I’ll do it. At least…I will try. But you must understand…I’m not sure I can go through with…everything.”

He nodded. “Of course. We will begin slowly, to allow you to adjust. Would you like to start now?”

What?! Her stomach gave a lurch – she wasn’t ready, not yet! She needed to prepare herself, to…

To what? she chided herself. He said they would start slowly, surely she could handle whatever that meant. The sooner she got started, the sooner she could get this over with and go back to her life, and maybe try to patch things up with Zenith.

He had smiled very slightly; clearly her initial panic had been obvious. But she took a deep breath and answered, “Yes, very well. But, I feel I should tell you something first.”

“You are…distressed. Please, go ahead.”

“Yesterday, the first time…” She took yet another breath, “I…invited it, requested it even, but then, when it came down to actually doing it, I…I found I was scared, and I attempted to use the Force to halt what was happening.”

His eyes plainly showed his concern. “And you were unable to call upon it as expected.”

“Right. So…that’s how I came to be here. It wasn’t his fault; more of a gross misunderstanding between the two of us, but…I just thought you should know.”

“I’m very sorry this happened to you, Jedi. It does not give one a good impression of the experience to have the first time be so negative.” He put his hand over hers.

She blinked, hard; the empathy in his voice struck a chord in her for some reason. But she closed her eyes and calmed herself. His wasn’t a shoulder to cry on, he was there to help her with a different matter, and she didn’t need to let herself get distracted.

“So…what do I need to do?” she asked, determined to begin.

She followed as he rose and walked to a cabinet, withdrew a bundle of fabric, which he then handed to her. He gestured toward the left of two doors, and instructed her to change into the clothes he’d given her. She proceeded into the room, which had a small couch as well as a huge bath, shower, and sink. As she pulled off her boots and placed them neatly next to the sofa, she shook out the garment he’d given her.

 _Oh my_. It was a silky texture, deep vibrant blue with silver embroidery all over. It was a robe, with a silver cord for a belt, but it was unlike anything she’d ever worn; there were slits up the side all the way to her waist.  She put it on, leaving her underclothes on underneath, but then it occurred to her that perhaps this wasn’t really meant to be worn with underwear. Blushing even though no one was in the room, she took off her underthings and folded them into her clothes, which she set on the couch next to her boots. She felt extremely exposed, but she was going to have to dive into this sooner or later; might as well take the plunge.

She returned to the main room, her face still a little bit pink. Valen-Zo was sitting on the platform, and he beckoned to her to join him. She nervously ran her hands down the front of the beautiful blue robe, her palms suddenly sweaty.

As she walked toward him, she noticed the original incense that had been placed by the door had burned down, and a slightly different scent was burning from a censure inside the curtains of the platform. It had a heady smell, like some kind of nectar, and immediately she felt a pulse of arousal, similar when she’d first walked into the room, but stronger. She glanced at Valen-Zo and contemplated him for a moment. She supposed, if she had to receive sexual therapy from someone, she didn’t mind it being him – he was quite attractive, after all.

And hopefully, pleasing to…do other things to.

With! Things with! Stars, that new incense was some potent stuff.

She stepped up onto the platform, and Valen-Zo extended a hand to her, drawing her down onto the cushions with him.

He continued to hold her hand, then turned it over, and began stroking her palm with his thumb.

She was shocked at the sensations this caused. She got chills across her chest and along her arm, and actually shivered a little. She looked down, and was somehow taken with how white her skin appeared next to his blue.

“Jedi.” He waited until her eyes were on his. “I want you to know, that no matter what is happening, this is a house of healing above all else. I, nor anyone else, will _never_ force you to do anything you are uncomfortable with. _Any_ time that you wish to say no, you can do so, and we will stop. Do you understand?”

For some reason that made her chin tremble ever so slightly. But she calmed herself, and nodded. “Yes, Valen-Zo.”

“Good. Now, I intend to touch you, are you comfortable with that?” She took another deep breath, nodded again. He reached out a hand and placed it on her collarbone.

A sharp intake of breath, but that was all. He slid his hand into the curve between her neck and shoulder, slowly. He kept his eyes on her, and she tried to maintain eye contact with him as much as she could, as he slid his hand outward, over her shoulder, underneath the robe. His hand moved down her arm, still very slowly; she knew he was making sure she had ample opportunity to stop him at any time, if she wished.

His hand reached her elbow, and the loose robe fell down on that side, dropping so one breast was exposed. She gasped again, but didn’t move to close it.

“Good. Now, please try to use the Force. Close the curtains.”

She did as he requested, or tried to; already her Force control was wavering, and it took her a few tries to get them fully closed. Now all that lit them was a lantern hanging from the ceiling above the platform, which she hadn’t noticed before as the rest of the room had been lit with other sources. Its golden glow bathed them in a warm light.

He nodded, moved his hand from her arm, and put it back on her collarbone. Slid it down one inch. She felt another thrum of desire; she knew where his hand was headed. And she found herself wanting him to touch her. Almost unconsciously, she took a deep breath, arching her back slightly and leaning into his hand. He smiled slightly, and moved his hand a little faster, inch by inch, until it covered her breast. Another deep breath, and he put his hand underneath it, weighing it, then ran his thumb over her nipple. She whimpered a little at that; in their frenzied (and at times unsure) lovemaking yesterday, Zenith hadn’t really touched her all that much, and this languid pace, with the incense….

It was definitely affecting her.

She took Valen-Zo’s other hand, which was still holding hers, and raised it to the edge of the robe on the other side. He looked a little surprised, but put his fingers around the fabric, slid it to the side, and down.

Now she was naked from the waist up. Valen-Zo seemed to drink her in; he put a hand on either side of her ribcage, his thumbs lifting her breasts slightly as he looked at them.

“You are a remarkably beautiful woman, Jedi.”

“I…I am? I mean, thank you,” she added, feeling a little bit foolish. She didn’t remember the last time she’d gotten a compliment like that; Zenith seemed to think she was attractive (and she had waited long enough for _that_ indication), but he hadn’t said anything about her being beautiful…then again there hadn’t been much time for that so far. She needed to stop basing her entire thought process on him.

She also needed to get back to the present. In which Valen-Zo’s hands were on her breasts again – and now his head was bending toward her chest.

She whimpered more loudly this time as he gently licked her nipple, then took it in his mouth. She was already almost as aroused as she had been last night, and they’d barely done anything. She thought if he was to put his hand between her legs now she would come immediately and all this would be over.

He lifted his head, looked up at her. “Try opening the curtains.”

 _Damn the curtains!_ she thought, but did as he asked. The fabric waved, swaying out of the way, only to fall back into place; after about 20 seconds of trying, she’d only made a 6” gap.

“Hmm. Interesting. We should continue.”

_He was damn right they should._

“Please lay back.” She panicked for just a moment, but calmed herself; if she grew uncomfortable, she would tell him to stop. But so far, the only discomfort she was feeling was the increasing pressure between her legs.

She obeyed. As she leaned back he arranged the robe so it wouldn’t ride uncomfortably under her lower back, and placed a couple pillows behind her head. She thought this was very considerate of him; but then again, it was his job to know how to do these things.

Then he reached for the cord at her waist. Her eyes widened, and he stopped, his hand hovering over her.

“May I?”

“I…”

“That’s fine, we can wait.” She was relieved – she may have been bold when it came to exposing her breasts, but she didn’t think she was quite ready to expose everything else. Not just yet.

But then he put his hand on the inside of her ankle.

Stars above, she knew what was happening next.

_And she wanted it._

Her breath was growing more shallow, as he trailed his hand up her leg, over her calf, across her knee, which was now exposed by the large slit in the robe. He watched her the whole time, waiting for a negative shake of the head, a refusal. But she gave none.

He touched her inner thigh. She drew in a breath, her anticipation running rampant, but then he stopped. He started on the other leg, at the ankle, then upward. _This is a cruel form of therapy_ , she thought.

Again he stopped when his hand reached her thigh. But this time he took hold of her ankle, moved it outward. Her chest was rising and falling rapidly now; he put his hand on her other ankle, pushed to the side as well. Her legs were spread wide now, her naked chest gleaming in the lantern light, only the center panels of the robe laying between her legs were providing any covering at all.

The incense burner flickered, gave a sizzle. He reached up absently and twisted a dial at the bottom, and the volume of smoke emitting from the device increased slightly.

He was kneeling between her legs. His hand went under the center of the robe, and slid upward underneath it, gathering it over his arm as he went. She was watching his hand intently, and he was watching her. He stopped, waited for her to raise her eyes to his. She knew what he wanted.

Suddenly, she regretted the presence of the robe. She wanted to see his hand touching her, wanted to watch his fingers disappear inside her.

She realized what she was thinking and was immediately shocked with herself. It had to be the incense – either that or she was a lot more sexually repressed than she’d realized. Clearly taking care of her own needs in the privacy of her quarters wasn’t really that fulfilling. Or perhaps she hadn’t been doing it right.

Throwing caution to the wind, she reached down took his other hand and moved it toward the cord at her waist.

“Are you sure?” He made sure to ask.

“Yes,” she breathed, and he complied: pulled the knot on the cord loose, drew away first one end of it, then the other.

Pushed the robe to either side.

Though it was warm inside the curtains, the air against her exposed wetness made her shiver. She slowly released his hand, and watched as his blue fingers, dark in the lantern light, gently touched her pale skin, parting her and stroking between. She couldn’t help but close her eyes for a moment as she whimpered; she was so close to an orgasm already, she hoped he wouldn’t be disappointed if she came before she was supposed to.

When this thought occurred to her she pulled her legs together a little bit, not wanting to fail at this. He firmly pushed them apart again.

“Don’t concern yourself – this time is for exploring and learning about your body, and I can do that for quite a while, whether you orgasm now or later, or five times in between.”

She flushed a little. Had he read her mind? Possibly. More likely, he could easily read the signs she was giving.

He continued stroking her, watching her face and her body for her reaction.

Then he spread her apart with his other hand, and positioned his fingers at her opening, looking at her again for confirmation.

“Yes!” she gasped out.

“First, I want you to try once more with the curtains.”

He hadn’t said this treatment would be more like torture!

But she obeyed. Concentrated hard, or at least as hard as she could when she felt his fingers lightly touching, ready to penetrate her…

The curtains fluttered slightly, but that was it.

“Very good.” Before she could process his approval, he slipped two fingers inside her. Very slowly, he slid them in, until he could go no further. Drew them out, and then pushed in again. She was moaning by this point.

Then he lightly stroked thumb over her clit, and she shattered, her body tightening around his hand, her hips jerking as she came.

He’d been very professional up to this point, but as she came she heard him give a low hum of satisfaction. This made her feel inordinately good for some reason.

She assumed he would stop, but he didn’t.

His fingers still inside her, pressing against insanely sensitive flesh, he asked, “Would you like to continue?”

“C-continue what?” she wondered.

“We can go further, if you allow it.”

She didn’t know what else he planned to do; after all, she had already come, and although she knew it was possible to come a second time, it seemed very unlikely, so she was a little confused. But she wanted more of whatever he wanted to give her, so she assented.

“Please,” she sighed, still wondering what else was in store for her.

Then he knelt between her legs. Bent his head.

_What was he doing??_

She didn’t have to wait long to find out. His tongue found that same spot between her legs, and her head fell back as she cried out – his fingers continued to press inside her, and she felt another orgasm building. Impossible, there was no way she could come again that fast, she thought.

As his tongue flicked over her heat, she did. Once again her muscles tightened around his fingers, and she shuddered as ecstasy wracked her body.

He gave that satisfied noise again; she was glad she pleased him, even if that wasn’t the point of this exercise. She wasn’t sure what the point _was_ , but she seemed to be doing fine by his standards.

Panting, she relaxed onto the cushions, unsure how much more of this she could take.

Seeing her exhaustion, he withdrew his fingers, and pulled the robe back around her. She didn’t quite have the energy to resist or complain; in fact, she was almost glad. If this was just the first day, she didn’t know how she’d survive a second, or a third.

He helped her get her arms into the sleeves, retied the cord. Then he reached down and easily picked her up; she protested that she could walk, but he pointed out that her knees were probably like jelly, and she reluctantly agreed that he might be correct. As he stood, he asked her once more to part the curtains.

This time, she was able to do so, although she had to concentrate quite hard.

“Good,” he said again, and passed through them. He walked back through the door she’d first come through, and then through the next door over, which was a small room with a comfortable bed and a skylight. She saw her things on a table…apparently Gaden-Ko knew enough about this place to know she’d be staying here at least overnight, and he’d had them sent over. That was nice of him, she thought, but then it occurred to her that that also meant he knew what went on behind these closed doors. That was rather embarrassing. But he hadn’t batted an eyelash when she’d told him where she needed to go, so maybe the Voss weren’t self-conscious about that sort of thing. She certainly hoped not.

Valen-Zo deposited her on the bed, and told her someone would bring her clothes from the other room. She nodded sleepily, and noticed that it was dusk outside.

She fell asleep before he even made it out of the room.

***

The next day she awoke to birdsong; she stretched luxuriantly in the bed, feeling extremely well rested.

Just as it occurred to her to wonder what bed she was in, memories of the previous day rushed back.

Her face flushed so hard she thought it might burst into flame; there was no incense now, nothing to diminish her embarrassment. But nothing that had happened should embarrass her, she told herself – she was here for a medical issue, and if treatment involved intimate encounters, then so be it. Valen-Zo had been nothing but professional and kind, and above all else she was glad to note she didn’t at all feel violated. Self-conscious, yes. But as she let her thoughts review yesterday’s events in detail…

Even without the incense, she felt a rush of arousal. She had certainly relieved her own physical needs before, and yes, it felt good. But having Valen-Zo touch her the way he had…and with his tongue…it was above and beyond anything she’d managed to accomplish for herself. She found herself hoping she could look forward to more of the same today.

She was rising from the bed and wondering whether she should put her own clothes back on, when there was a knock. She rearranged the blue robe and opened the door to find Tana-Re holding a tray of food and tea.

“Oh, I’m sorry to have put you to this trouble, should I have arisen earlier?” She felt contrite – she hadn’t gotten the feeling that Tana-Re’s position was one that involved delivering tea.

“It is no trouble, Jedi. This is part of my duties here; we feel it makes guests more comfortable to see only a few, familiar faces while treatment is ongoing.” Azeraya could not disagree with this statement, and thanked her as she set the tray on a table.

Tana-Re gestured to an envelope on the tray. “Valen-Zo has left instructions for you, please review them at your leisure.” Then she left.

Instructions? Interesting. She decided to leave them for a few minutes, as she found she was ravenous, and quickly devoured the small breakfast on the tray.

Then she poured her second cup of tea and picked up the datapad.

The message instructed her to don a new robe from the wardrobe. She was then to proceed to the room she’d changed in the day before, to bathe. She remembered the large bath, a luxury she’d rarely partaken of, and made haste to do as requested.

When she was ready she exited the room and made her way through the room from last night; seeing the platform, she blushed a little, remembering what had occurred there. She hurried to the changing room and found that steaming water already filled the tub, and a small bowl burned with the same heady scent of incense she’d smelled yesterday. She supposed this was supposed to help her relax for whatever was in store for her today. She removed the new robe, laying it on the small couch, and walked to the tub, dipped her fingers into the water, testing the temperature.

It was hot, but bearably so; she stepped up onto the lip of tile that surrounded the tub, put her foot over the edge, and slowly lowered herself in.

The water was silken with some sort of soap; it was really quite lovely on the skin. She leaned back and dipped her hair into the water; she found she didn’t need anything else to wash her hair, as the soapy substance lathered quite nicely. The Voss certainly knew how to make a luxurious bath.

She managed to turn on the faucet at the head of the tub briefly to rinse her hair, and then piled it on top of her head.

She slid down a little in the water, sighing with pleasure; she couldn’t remember the last time she’d done something like this.

Then there was a knock on the door. She nearly panicked, but calmed herself – she was confident no one would enter the room unbidden, given what Valen-Zo had said yesterday.

She heard his voice on the other side of the door. “Azeraya. May I come in?”

This time she did panic a little. “I'm…give me a moment to get out,” she called back.

“That rather defeats the purpose,” he replied, amusement clear in his voice.

Oh.

_Oh._

She could do this, she thought. She _would_ do this.

She took a deep breath. “Enter.”

Valen-Zo slowly opened the door, entered the room. “Please try to close the door behind me,” he asked.

She concentrated, doing her best to draw on the Force; she could feel its flow, but it wavered, slipped away from her like water through her fingers. Valen-Zo’s approach did nothing to assist in her endeavors. She finally managed to close the door, but it took several attempts.

Once the door was shut, he knelt on the platform next to the bath. “Are you ready to continue where we let off?” he asked her, watching her face for any sign of fear or panic.

She was breathing faster now; the tops of her breasts rose and fell above the water. She saw him glance downward, distracted for a moment, and for some reason this helped dispel her nerves somewhat, and even made her feel a bit bold. She kept her eyes on his face as she rose slightly, exposing her chest to the air. She was gratified to see Valen-Zo take a deep breath, and then drag his eyes back to hers.

“Yes,” she finally answered.

He pushed up the sleeve of his robe, and slipped his hand into the water. Her pulse immediately quickened; she felt heat blossoming between her legs.

His hand traced up her leg, underneath the water. When he reached her inner thigh, she closed her eyes and leaned her head back, hoping he was going to do what he’d done yesterday. He obliged her, sliding two fingers into her.

She spread her legs a little further, her knees resting against the sides of the tub. He rewarded her by pressing his fingers in deeper. But then he withdrew them, and her eyes opened.

He was watching her, and she looked down and could see through the clear water that he had three fingers positioned against her heat. She bit her lip, looked back at him, nodded slightly.

She watched for a moment as he pushed them into her, but then she couldn’t help but close her eyes and whimper; it was slightly painful, but more a pleasurable ache than actual pain. He moved his fingers inside her for a bare few seconds, and then withdrew them again. She almost complained, but caught herself in time.

“Are you ready to continue?”

She was sure she was, but she didn’t know what was next, so she wasn’t quite prepared to answer.

“What…” she cleared her throat, tried to steady her breathing. “What’s next?”

He stood up and retrieved a towel from the wardrobe, stepped up to the tub again and held it out for her.

Oh dear…she’d never stood fully naked before a man before. Out of all the things that had happened over the past few days, she was surprised this one seemed to make her the most anxious.

Valen-Zo easily sensed her distress. “What troubles you, Jedi? If you do not wish to move forward, we can wait…” He lowered the towel and began to lay it on the couch.

“Wait!” Her face flamed, but she felt she had to explain to him. “I don’t want to…stop. I just…”

Valen-Zo knelt next to the tub again, and took her hand. He sent a soothing wave of the Force through her, and she closed her eyes in relief, immediately feeling slightly calmer.

She looked up at him and smiled weakly. “I apologize.”

“There is no need for apology, Jedi. You should not be ashamed of your limits.”

“Thank you.” She sighed. “As you know, I have very little experience. When I said I was a virgin, I meant…in every sense. I have never had any relationships or encounters of any sort, prior to…the other day.”

“You are self-conscious because of this?”

“Yes, very. It is one reason why I didn’t…correct the misunderstanding with my…partner. I didn’t want him to think…to realize that I was so…well.” She couldn’t really find the words, as her embarrassment was reasserting itself strongly. Valen-Zo calmed her again, a very slight glow emanating from him as he did so. She greatly appreciated his efforts and his understanding.

“Your inexperience is nothing to be ashamed of, Jedi.” He insisted. “If it is any comfort to you, you are an extremely beautiful woman, and I am honored to be permitted to explore your body and expand your experience.”

It was odd that simple compliments could awaken her lust so strongly, but there it was. “It does…um…comfort me,” she managed, trying to hide the rush of desire that washed through her.

But of course, he was Force-sensitive; he could feel it easily. He smiled slightly, and retrieved the towel. This time, she stood immediately, her skin dripping and luminous from the bath.

She was immensely gratified, and some of her self-consciousness put at ease, when Valen-Zo waited several seconds before wrapping the towel around her as he drank her in with his eyes. She had never felt very attractive; up until the past few months, her physical appearance hadn’t concerned her overmuch. But now…

Finally his eyes rose to hers as he gently encircled her with the soft fabric. “As I said, a beautiful woman.”

She smiled blindingly at him.

As she took hold of the towel around her and began to dry off, he stepped away, waiting until she was done to hold out his hand and lead her into the other room. She started to leave the towel wrapped around her, but he gave her a sort of raised-eyebrow, and smiled slightly even as she blushed – even though he’d reassured her considerably, it still wasn’t easy to just expose herself. But she did slowly remove the towel, and laid it on the couch next to her robe. She couldn’t help but link her fingers together tightly in front of her as she followed Valen-Zo into the main room; he turned when he got to the platform and held out his hand again.

She took a deep breath and separated her hands, putting her right one into his.

“Very good, Jedi.” He gave her a nod of approval, and her level of excitement went up about three notches. She noticed there were now several candles scattered around the room, as well as the incense bowl within the curtained alcove. Well, if these were all inhibition-lowering substances, she felt rather glad, as she thought she’d need even more help than yesterday getting through this session.

She stepped up to the platform; today there were the usual thick cushions and luxurious fabric, but also a larger, thicker cushion sat in the center of the floor.

Valen-Zo reclaimed her attention by putting his hand on her shoulder. “Would you permit me to disrobe, Jedi?”

Yet again, a rush of arousal – he was wearing a similar garment to the one she’d been using, without the slits in the sides, and it left much to the imagination. Obviously she could see he was tall, and broad-shouldered, but she found herself eager to discover what he looked like underneath it.

She nodded, and he untied the belt at his waist, removed the robe, and let it fall to the floor.

Her eyes widened. He was as muscular as she’d imagined, even more so than Zenith, and also a little taller. His blue skin glimmered in the soft light, but as her eyes roved over him and she saw his length, she had an odd reaction. On the one hand, it gave her a thrill of anticipation; he’d already told her she’d be having sex with him, and she was surprised to find herself looking forward to it.

On the other hand, she experienced another jolt of anxiety. His manhood was about the same size as Zenith's, she thought – would this hurt as much as it had with him, at the beginning? And what if—

“Do not be nervous, Jedi.” Valen-Zo was careful not to approach her until she consented. “We will not do anything you do not wish to, I promise. And you can stop me at any time.”

She closed her eyes, took a deep breath. She was in a safe place, she had to remember. She regained some of her calm, and nodded to him.

“Now, I need to ask you what you would prefer for this first time.” She was a little confused by this, but was silent, waiting for him to continue. “One position would for me to sit on the cushion you see there, and you would sit in my lap, if you will. We would be very still, and I would use the Force, if needed, as well as other…methods, to bring you to completion.”

Her desire thrummed hotly at his words – she had no doubt he would be able to achieve his goal with very little effort. She swallowed. “What…is the other option?”

“If you would like something more intimate and personal, so that we can…get to know one another’s bodies better before proceeding, we can use the position I believe is more common with your race, where you lay on your back. This might appeal to you more, as you might feel safer and less exposed.”

She felt ready to melt into a puddle of hormones right then and there. “Yes, I….I think I would prefer the second,” she stammered. She did indeed feel that the first position he’d mentioned might feel a little too impersonal to her; he seemed to think they would get to that later, regardless, so better for her to be comfortable this time.

He nodded and gestured for her to lie down on the cushions, her head resting on the large cushion in the center. She did as he requested, still a little insecure about her nakedness, but trying to ignore it.

He knelt before her, and this time as he spread her legs there was nothing for her to hide behind; her arousal was almost painful it was so strong. He watched her, as usual, as he began touching her between her legs, immediately sliding three fingers into her. She bit her lip but didn’t stop him, and she soon felt his thumb between her heat, stroking until she could barely think straight. When she could manage to link a few words together in her head, she wondered – was this all he’d meant to do? Had she not understood what was about to happen? Her thoughts trailed off abruptly as she felt the waves of orgasm approaching; she grabbed handfuls of the fabric on the floor, then her body shook as she came, crying out. As before, Valen-Zo’s murmur of approval as she tightened around his fingers just magnified her pleasure.

Then he withdrew his fingers, moved, and positioned himself between her legs. Immediately she grew a little agitated again; of course she’d known this would happen eventually, had even just wondered how much longer she’d have to wait, but she couldn’t help a slight lump in her throat.

Naturally Valen-Zo could sense her mood, and as he lowered himself over her, he put his hand against her neck, projecting a calming effect into her that allowed her to relax slightly. She laid her own hand on his wrist and smiled her thanks. But he looked strangely at her for a moment; she wasn't used to Voss facial expressions yet, she'd met very few of them – it was hard to read their eyes.

“I do not wish for you to feel coerced, Jedi,” he said, taking his hand away. “I want to ensure that you know I am not using any Force tricks on you to get you to comply, I merely wish for you to be comfortable.”

“Of course,” she replied, surprised at the slightly troubled note in his voice. “I am aware, and I appreciate it.”

“I…perhaps we should snuff the incense and the candles. I am not sure it is wise to have their scent influencing you in this situation.”

He sounded even more concerned now. She was confused; surely this was just procedure, business as usual? He’d said the Healers’ Enclave had been treating these disorders for many years, so she didn’t think anything about her situation would be new or different for him. Unsure whether it was acceptable but not feeling that she should, she reached out her hand and touched his face. He drew in a sharp breath and his eyes flew to hers.

“Why are you troubled, Valen-Zo? Is there…something about me that is different from others you have treated?”

He stared at her, then leaned back, taking her hand pulling her up into a sitting position with him.

“I must…apologize for this lapse, Jedi.”

Her brow lowered as her confusion deepened. “What lapse?”

“I fear that, despite having treated many Force-sensitives with similar problems, you are the first I have personally tended to, that has little or no sexual experience.”

Her face fell. So she had been right after all – her lack of knowledge on the subject was indeed something to be embarrassed about.  Feeling very self-conscious now, she pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them.

Seeing this, he reached out to her, but then withdrew his hand. “That is no fault of yours, Jedi. It is I who should be more professional. I find myself second guessing everything I know about how this treatment should proceed, because I greatly fear hurting or frightening you.”

She certainly didn’t actually think he was going to hurt her, and her fear had nothing to do with him. She told him so, and he nodded, but his distressed expression did not improve.

"I am afraid I must explain, that I…find myself having inappropriate…affection, I suppose you could call it. Towards you."

Azeraya struggled to keep her mouth from dropping open, but she was sure her wide eyes conveyed her shock. But though she was greatly surprised, she couldn't say she was…dismayed.

“As soon as I felt…anything, for you, I should have let another take on your healing, but that seemed even more inadvisable; I thought surely you would be uncomfortable at having to tell another stranger your personal details.”

“You are right, I would have. I am comfortable with you, Valen-Zo, and I don’t know that I would be with anyone else.” She paused for a moment, trying to find the best words to express herself. “I think you have been very professional as well as kind. I’m sure you know how awkward and difficult this situation is for me, and you have done your best to alleviate that, mostly with success.” He seemed reassured by her words, but then she made the mistake of putting her hand to his face again.

He almost flinched away from her. Mortified, she quickly pulled her hand back, linking her hands around her knees again and looking down. He was a professional, she should not try to be so personal with him. She must remember that.

He was silent for a moment, then put his hand over hers.

“Jedi…”

“I have a name,” she said rather sullenly, and for the second time in three days. She didn’t know why, but she was tired of men referring to her by that title; she was more than a Jedi, and especially in this situation, she didn’t want to feel like that’s all there was to her.

“Of course, Azeraya. I…apologize for…causing you discomfort. If we can move past this, I will be happy to continue. However, if you no longer wish to be treated by me, I will understand, and we can endeavor to choose a different Healer for you.”

Her eyes widened. “No! I don’t want….anyone else.” She was a little startled at her own vehemence, but after all, she had come this far with him, and she didn’t relish the idea of trying to relax around yet another stranger, Healer or not. “But please let me know if I overstep the bounds of…professionalism, again,” she added, looking down again.

“What?” Valen-Zo seemed genuinely bewildered. “Oh, you mean – no, Azeraya, I am very sorry for giving you that impression. It is _I_ who am not meant to make…advances to you; if you do so toward me because you are comfortable, that is permitted and perfectly acceptable.”

“I’m not sure I understand what you mean by ‘advances’,” she couldn’t help but ask. “Considering the things you’ve done…the things we’re about to do…” she trailed off.

He looked a little disconcerted. “I mean…I should not act as if I were emotionally attracted to you,” he replied, with some difficulty.

She sighed. Thoughts of Zenith intruded; she liked to think he cared for her, but did he? Just because he wanted to sleep with her, it didn't necessarily follow that he wanted anything more than that. She may be naïve, but she wasn't stupid. She was probably fooling herself – all those months of fantasizing, not just about being intimate with him, but about them having some sort of relationship…what did she know about relationships? Nothing. “To be honest, Valen-Zo, I don’t think I’d really know if you did. The only other person that has ever been very attracted to me took many months to show it, and even then I wouldn’t say he made…advances.”

Valen-zo’s reaction to her statement was unexpected. He swiftly leaned forward, slid his hand around her neck, and kissed her. It only took about two seconds for her to begin kissing him back, also to her surprise – but then he pulled away, and stood up.

He ran his hand over his face, and chuckled ruefully.

“That, Azeraya, would be termed ‘making advances’.”

Azeraya was stunned. Not only by his actions, although they were surprising enough. But even more by her own reaction. It had to be because she’d only been truly kissed once before…right?

She thought back to other times she'd come shared some sort of kiss with others; she'd never been that affected by it. Before she’d met Zenith, she hadn’t even fantasized about anyone in particular; she’d certainly thought about having another person in her bed, but they didn’t wear the face of anyone she’d ever met.

This was only her second real kiss, but it stirred…something in her. Something that greatly confused her. She couldn’t possibly feel the same way about Valen-Zo that she did about Zenith. She’d been pining after Zenith for months, and she’d only met Valen-Zo yesterday. But his kiss had made her heart surge, even more than Zenith’s had.

Was this yet _another_ thing that was wrong with her? Perhaps she should give up on all of this. She should just go back to being a boring, loveless former Jedi. She should have let Zenith continue treating her like a piece of furniture, and none of this ever would have happened.

But was that what she wanted? Did she want to abandon what she was trying to do here, give up any chance at a relationship with Zenith? Did she want to leave Valen-Zo, never to see him again?

Her frustration and emotional turbulence made her want to cry. Valen-Zo had turned, sensing her agitation, and of course he thought it was due to his behavior.

“I apologize profusely, I should never have done that. But when you said that almost no one had ever been attracted to you, the impossibility of such a statement—“

She stood, put her fingers to his lips.

“Valen-Zo…you have made me feel more beautiful than I’ve ever felt in my life. Please do not apologize.” Astounding him as well as herself, she replaced her fingers with her lips, kissing him lightly.

Slowly, as if afraid she would break, he slid his arms around her. Her own arms went around his neck, seemingly of their own volition. Valen-Zo’s lips were soft, his kisses insistent but sweet and gentle.

Then, as she drew slightly closer to him, their bodies touched, and she was reminded abruptly that they were both naked. Suddenly her hormones came surging back, overwhelming her, and she leaned into him, skin against skin, pressing their bodies together. He responded by deepening the kiss, wrapping his arms around her even more tightly.

But after a few seconds he pulled away. She was breathing heavily, as was he, but he stepped back slightly, and put his forehead against hers.

“We should not do this, Azeraya. This is not supposed to be…I must be professional. In this environment, if I am not, it means I am taking advantage of you and your trust.”

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry for…” she began, but he hushed her.

“I am to blame, if anyone.” He was silent for a moment, and then disengaged himself from her. She was disappointed, but she understood his concerns.

“If we….if we are to continue your therapy, I must...maintain  the proper distance.” He sounded frustrated himself.

“But…if I welcome your….advances, wouldn’t that make it acceptable?” She asked, genuinely hoping that he would agree. She had no clue what she was doing, but she had some sort of spark with him that she had never expected, and she didn’t want to stamp it out now.

He looked surprised, and conflicted.

“But…what about, this other person? The one who…” he looked down, cleared his throat. “The one who took your virginity?”

Her pale skin flamed a fiery red, but she answered him honestly. “I don’t know. I honestly don’t know how he feels about me. If it’s serious or…just a…fling.” Thinking of it as just a fling still hurt; but she had to admit it was a possibility that Zenith felt this way about it. She really had no way of knowing; they hadn’t spoken about emotions, only about desire, and what if that was all they were to him? Should she miss this chance to explore something different, something that felt so lovely and good, because of a slight possibility that Zenith truly cared about her?

Valen-Ko released a breath she hadn’t noticed he was holding.

After what seemed like an eternity…he stepped closer to her once more, and put his hands on her waist. Her heartbeat quickened, and she leaned into his kiss.

“I’m not supposed to kiss you…” She felt his slight smile against her mouth, and gave him one in return.

“Then what _are_ you supposed to do?” she asked, surprised at her own temerity.

“Perhaps it’s time I showed you,” he replied, and with a wave of his hand he extinguished all the candles as well as the incense. The dim lantern above them remained. He pulled her down to the pillows with him, then gently leaned her back, so her head was once more resting on the large cushion in the center of the platform. His lips only left hers long enough to push her legs apart, and position himself between them.

She could barely catch her breath, her anticipation was so strong; her anxiety had almost disappeared, she was now merely impatient. His hardness pressed against her and she drew in a sharp breath.

“Azeraya…” he whispered into her ear, pushing into her ever so slightly. “I need you to tell me you want this…”

“I want it,” she immediately gasped.

“Be more specific,” he murmured.

She took a few deep breaths; her inexperience made her shy for a moment, but finally she was able to breathe the words into his ear.

“I want you inside me.”

He surged into her, his shaft filling her with welcome heat. She cried out, and not from pain, this time.

He withdrew slightly, pressed in again, and again, sliding deeper each time. His face was in her neck, his lips on her sensitive skin, his hands roaming over her body, her hair, her face.

This was so different – so much more than the only other time she'd done it. It was sweet, and gentle, and yet without the anxiety she'd suffered before she felt she must be twice as aroused. Valen-Zo was so careful, so attentive, watching her reactions closely, touching her in the ways he saw she liked, holding her close.

She was gratified to hear his sighs, and then groans – they sent shivers of desire through her, brought her closer to the edge.

Then he slowed, taking his time almost fully withdrawing, then sliding back in again, pushing hard against her core before pulling out once more. She didn’t think she could take very much of this; with every thrust she thought she would come. The way he moved against her seemed so intimate, so personal…

“Valen-Zo…” she whimpered as he kissed her hair.

“Yes, Azeraya?” His breath was a whisper against her forehead.

“Is this…” she could barely get the words together, but she had to know. “Is this…what the treatment…is supposed to be like…” she finally managed, then reverted to quiet cries as he continued his movements.

He put his mouth to her ear now, gently biting her.

“Not at all, Azeraya. This…” he said, thrusting into her, hard. “This is only for you.”

She couldn’t remain quiet as waves of ecstasy overtook her, rippling throughout her body and down her limbs; her body shook, and she cried out and clutched his shoulders as she came.

He stayed close to her as her breathing slowed, brushing back hair from her face. Suddenly she realized…he was still unsatisfied. Surely, she thought…surely that wasn’t right? Even in her extremely limited experience, that wasn’t what was supposed to happen. Had she done something wrong?

He could sense her confusion.

“What troubles you? Do you regret this?” He was very concerned, but she wrapped her arms more tightly around him to reassure him before answering.

“Not at all, Valen-Zo. I just…” she was feeling shy again; it was odd to be in such an intimate position with a man and not be able to say what was on her mind. She took a breath; had to turn her face away a little to get the words out, but she managed it. “I’m sorry I couldn’t…please you. Enough.”

He sighed with relief and kissed her forehead. “Do not be concerned with that. It is part of my training to ensure I can continue a session as long as needed, it has nothing to do with—“

She interrupted him by pulling his face down to hers, then wrapped her legs around him, and angled her hips upward, pushing herself against him. She made a little noise into his mouth; she was so sensitive, and he was still so hard. But she didn’t stop; quickly he began matching his movements to hers.

Because he seemed to like her asking him for things, she put her lips to his ear. “I…want to feel you,” she breathed, her words halting, her face pink with both exertion and shyness.

He gasped and rewarded her by thrusting harder. “Please, Azeraya,” he panted, “I shouldn’t…”

She dug her fingers into the muscles of his back. He groaned.

“Valen-Zo…” she whispered, “please…I want….I want to feel you come inside me.”

She was glad she’d had the courage to say it; his response was everything she could have hoped for. He groaned even more loudly, tightened his hand on the back of her neck, pounded into her once, twice, and finally he buried himself deep within her, his length pulsing, his body tensing, a growl sounding deep in his chest.

“Mmmmm…” as he lowered his forehead to hers, she made a sound of satisfaction, eyes closed.

“That…was unexpected,” he replied breathlessly.

“Mmmm,” she mumbled again, kissing his cheek, his jaw.

“Your gratification is very endearing.”

She giggled, put her hand on his face. “Is it, now?”

He kissed her nose, then began to disengage himself, untangling their limbs and lying next to her.

He tucked her into his side, her head on his shoulder, her hand on his chest. They laid there for several minutes. Finally she regained a little more control over her thought processes. “Wait, why was it unexpected? Isn’t that…what’s supposed to happen?”

He gave a low chuckle and kissed the top of her head.

“In most situations, yes. But for our purposes here at the Enclave, normally I must…refrain. The point of the exercise is not for me to be satisfied, it is to explore the issues of the other person and try to address them. It appears I have lost a little of my self-control where you are concerned.”

Her heart swelled. She wasn’t sure what import that had, but it made her feel special, unique.

“Well, I can’t say I’m sorry. I’m not.” This made him chuckle again. “It seems it would be…quite frustrating for you.”

“There have been times that it was frustrating, yes,” he replied. “But despite what you might think, usually I am not very attracted to patients, physically or otherwise. I merely use my body as a tool for their healing.”

“So…you being…even physically attracted to me…is odd?”

“Azeraya, I don’t think anyone who has seen you, in your clothes or out of them as I have been privileged to, would say it’s unnatural to be attracted to you.”

She bit her lip, her face flaming at such a compliment. She still wasn’t sure she believed any of that, but she did know that certain people could be attracted to certain other people with no reasoning behind it, so maybe that was the case here. Either way, she enjoyed it.

She put her arm fully around him and hugged him to her, unsure what to say but wanting him to know she appreciated his words.

They lay there for some time, and Azeraya was beginning to doze off. But finally Valen-Zo raised on his elbow.

“It must be midday by now; you should eat.”

“I’m not very hungry,” she argued, not really wanting to move from that spot.

“You will need energy this afternoon,” he replied.

“What? Why?”

“Well, just because we’re…well.” He broke off and cleared his throat. “Just because this situation is unusual, doesn’t mean we should completely ignore your problem. I would like to do what I can to fix it, even though…things have changed somewhat.”

“Oh! Oh, of course…”she trailed off, flustered.

“You may have noticed we didn’t do any Force exercises as we were…otherwise engaged,” he added, a smile in his voice.

Yes, right. The Force. The reason she was here. She’d almost forgotten about it for a few hours. She wished she could forget about that aspect of her visit permanently, but that was a foolish hope. No matter what happened, she needed to fix this. To the greatest extent possible, at least.

She started to stand, then realized her robe was in the changing room…and was suddenly shy again. When her hormones were fully engaged, it was easier for her natural reticence to be overridden, but now, her face burned. Valen-Zo saw this and immediately grabbed his robe and drew it over her shoulders, but then surprised her by picking her up as he had yesterday.

“Th-this isn’t necessary,” she stammered. “I can walk…surprisingly enough.” She couldn’t quite look at him now.

“I’m well aware. But do you object?” he asked, and she could hear his smile. She gave a small shake of her head, and he kissed her hair as she linked her arms around his neck. He carried her into the changing room and deposited her next to the couch to collect her own robe.

Before she could reach for it, he pulled her to him and tilted up her chin for a soft kiss. Her heart fluttering again, she leaned into him and put her hand on his cheek. His arm tightened around her for a moment, but then he drew back.

“I will ask Tana-Re to bring food out to the garden. It is secluded, but if you do not wish to go out of doors in the robe, you can go back to your sleeping chambers and change into your regular clothes.”

She nodded; she didn’t know how ‘secluded’ the garden was, but while she thought she’d enjoy getting out of doors for a bit, she didn’t think she would feel comfortable lounging outside of the Enclave in the robe and nothing else. Especially with those slits in the sides.

She swiftly removed Valen-Zo’s (much too large) robe, trying not to blush at her momentary nakedness, and donned her own. He put his back on and walked with her to her chamber, leaving her at the door to see to the food.

She quickly changed back into a clean set of her own clothes, which now felt…odd, somehow. Like they were something from a past life. Which was ridiculous, considering she’d just arrived here yesterday.

Only yesterday?

A knock sounded. “Jedi, if you are ready, you may follow me to the Garden,” Tana-Re’s voice came through the door. Azeraya opened the door a little apprehensively, almost as if she was worried that Tana-Re would be able to look at her and see that she had made Valen-Zo break the rules. But that was silly, and of course Tana-Re gave no indication that anything was amiss.

She followed her through two doors and out into a sheltered alcove that contained only a small table and three chairs. The view was…phenomenal. Everything she loved about the Voss landscape could be seen in the opening between the wings of the building; a riot of yellows, ambers, and reds sprawled out over hills and then mountains further back. The air was clean and pure; slightly warm but with a light breeze blowing in from the mountains.

Azeraya closed her eyes and took a deep breath; she was very glad now that Valen-Zo had suggested eating here.

“Valen-Zo?” She heard Tana-Re say behind her, confusion in her voice. “You will be…eating here as well?”

“Indeed, Tana-Re,” he replied, rather shortly, Azeraya thought as she turned around. Immediately she noticed that Valen-Zo was no longer in robes; he was wearing tight-fitting pants and a shirt of a plain but beautifully textured brown and gold material. His physical form inspired feelings in her that were not appropriate to lunch in a garden. She shook her head to rid herself of these thoughts and tried to refocus on the situation at hand.

She looked from one to the other, trying to gauge from their expressions what the problem was. But she wasn’t well versed enough in Voss body language, and found herself at a loss.

“But Valen-Zo, that is not—“

“Your opinion is noted, Tana-Re,” he interrupted. “Thank you for bringing the food.”

The other woman looked at him for a moment longer and then bowed her head. “Yes, Valen-Zo.” And she left.

Azeraya just raised her eyebrows at Valen-Zo.

He sighed. “It is…not customary for clients to take meals with Healers,” he explained.

“Oh.”  She wasn’t sure what to say. “I…”

Valen-Zo took her hand. “Do not worry, I will…explain to Tana-Re. Later.” He led her to the table. “For now, please, be seated.”

Suddenly Azeraya felt more flustered than she had at any time during their intimate encounters. She had no idea what to say, or what they would talk about. When she’d began having feelings for Zenith, she already knew him, they lived on the ship together, they’d been in combat together. Even though she’d felt increasingly awkward toward him, it seemed easier than this.

She sat, but was now wondering whether she would be able to stomach any lunch. The way she felt right now, she doubted it.

Valen-Zo pulled a chair closer to her, and sat, his knees touching hers. He took her hand in his; she continued to look down, her face pink.

“What troubles you? Would you…prefer to eat alone?”

She _did_ look up at that. “No, no I am sorry. I am…not very good at this.”

“At…?” he prompted.

“I…I don’t know what to say. What to do.” She sighed and shook her head ruefully. “It is…rather a failure of mine that I am very…bashful, awkward, I suppose.”

“Yes! It’s ridiculous, I shouldn’t be so….” She trailed off.

“It does not bother me, Azeraya,” he assured her. This time he looked down, stared at her hands in his. “For some reason….your shyness…has a certain effect on me,” he continued.

“What do you mean?”

“It is…hard to explain,” he answered hesitantly. “For years, it has been part of my job to participate in very…private activities with people. As part of the healing process. Some have been shy, although many merely accept the situation and are not embarrassed at all. Of course, everyone deals with their Force weakness differently, as they do with the treatment of it. But, with you, I…” he trailed off again.

It was obvious he was having difficulty. “I’m sorry I put you on the spot – you don’t need to explain to me,” she asserted. “We are both under the influence of…emotions we aren’t really used to, I suppose.” She smiled at him.

He squeezed her hand, then released her and gestured to the table. “We really should eat. But the main reason I wanted to join you was because I am curious about your past. Would you mind telling me about it?”

She was surprised; she thought her past was rather boring, at least her upbringing. But if he was interested she would be happy to oblige him, and she told him so.

They spent an hour or more in the garden; she told him about how she’d grown up in the Jedi enclave, and about Zell, and how she'd come to be on her ship. He knew little about her cousin, or how she was acquainted with Gaden-Ko. She became more and more at ease as she spoke with him, and was even able to eat a satisfactory amount of food.


	3. Beginnings and Hesitations

After some time, Valen-Zo finally rose, and accompanied her back to her sleeping chamber. At the door, he paused.

“Do you…wish to continue our work this afternoon?”

“Yes, of course,” she replied immediately.

He stepped closer to her, leaned down to murmur in her ear, “Perhaps we could continue it now…here…”

A strong pulse of lust flared between her legs. Tentatively, she put her hands on his chest, looked up at him. He responded by pushing her through the door and waving his hand to shut it behind him. Before she realized what was happening he’d turned her around so she was against the door, and bent his head to take her lips in a searing kiss. She whimpered quietly against his mouth as his teeth found her bottom lip.

She began pulling at his shirt, and he at hers; then he chuckled.

“I should have insisted you wear the robes,” he explained as he peeled her shirt up and over her head.

She smirked. “Likewise,” she replied, but drew in a sharp breath as his large hands went to her ribcage, then slid around to rub up and down her back. She found the buttons on his shirt where it closed on the left side and hastily undid them, pushing the shirt down off his broad shoulders and then to the floor. Hungrily she ran her hands over him; somehow her shyness had temporarily deserted her, even though there was no incense in sight.

Suddenly, for a moment, she felt an almost overwhelming desire for the safety of his arms; not just the caress of lust, but the embrace of love and companionship. Unable to stop herself, she slid her arms around him and put her head to his chest, clutching him tightly to her. After just a moment, she realized that she was ruining the mood, and started to draw back. But she found he’d encircled her with his arms as well, one hand on the back of her head, and the other on her lower back. And he wasn’t letting go.

She sighed and leaned more heavily against him. His arms tightened.

“Azeraya…” he whispered against her hair.

“Mmmm….” She responded incoherently.

“Maybe we shouldn’t…”

Again she tried to draw back, but this time in embarrassment. Somehow, her inexperience had led her to misread the situation, and she felt mortified.

“No, no,” he hastened to insist, stroking her hair, and not letting go. “I meant, this afternoon…perhaps we can forego another session and just…exist. Together.”

Azeraya was stunned. She had no idea that was an option…was that what she wanted? Somehow, it was, more than anything.

She nodded slightly against his chest. Immediately he reached down and picked her up, somehow managing to gather her shirt from the floor in the process, and sat down on the bed, leaning against the cushioned head of the bed, with her in his lap. He handed her shirt to her and she put it back on, and then proceeded to settle into the crook of his arm, her head on his shoulder.

This, she thought, sighing. This was bliss. She wrapped her arms around his waist and relaxed into him, and somehow it seemed like the weight of years slid off of her.

Decades of being a Jedi, of never having anyone get close to her, of never knowing love. She’d rarely felt the need for it; her work had sustained her, and helping others was enough fulfillment. But what about taking care of herself? Surely she deserved to be nurtured, once in a while? Where was the harm in feeling like maybe, for once, she didn’t have to take care of everyone else?

She’d sat and meditated with friends at the Academy, of course. And even with Zell. But never had she felt like her burdens were lightened by another’s presence. Always working to protect others, she thought maybe she’d let her own  happiness fall behind.

Valen-Zo seemed able to sense much of her mood, and he merely sat, in silence, stroking her hair.

Eventually, without realizing she was tired, Azeraya fell asleep.

***

A knock on the door intruded on Azeraya’s pleasant, wispy dreams, and she reluctantly opened her eyes. As soon as she did she realized where she was, and a surge of happiness filled her heart. More so when she realize that Valen-Zo’s head rested on hers, his arms still linked around her but relaxed, as he slept. She took a deep breath, savoring the smell of his skin, and the warmth he radiated.

But then the knock sounded again, followed by Tana-Re’s voice. “Jedi, are you well? It is time for the evening meal.”

The evening meal? They must have slept for several hours!

“I am fine, Tana-Re, please give me a moment,” she replied, and of course this woke Valen-Zo. She briefly kissed his cheek as she disentangled herself and rose from the bed.

She opened the door only slightly, only enough to take the tray from Tana-Re; the angle of the door hid the bed from view. She wasn’t sure why she did this – it wasn’t as if she and Valen-Zo were indecent, or had been engaged in any embarrassing activity. But somehow she felt it would add fuel to the fire of Tana-Re’s disapproval if she found him in Azeraya’s room, napping.

She thanked the other woman, murmured some excuse, and shut the door. She set the tray on the table, then went back to the bed, where Valen-Zo was now sitting with his arms balanced on his knees.

Suddenly, with an unwarranted wave of nausea, she turned around.

There was Valen-Zo’s shirt on the floor, next to the door.

Well, she thought. Either Tana-Re had seen it, or not. There was nothing to be done about it now.

Valen-Zo’s eyes followed hers, and he sighed a little but otherwise did not seem too concerned. She handed him the shirt, which he put back on (much to her dismay).

“I’m…sorry if I’ve gotten you into trouble, somehow,” she said quietly, looking down.

“Do not apologize, Azeraya. Although Tana-Re may look down on my actions, I am free to make my own decisions. Besides,” he added as he stood up and put his arms around her again, “even if I was ‘in trouble’, it would be worth it.” He tilted her chin up with one hand and met her lips with his in a slow, lingering kiss.

It seemed every time he kissed her she couldn’t restrain a small noise of pleasure in her throat, and Valen-Zo in turn seemed to find this intoxicating. Their kiss deepened for a moment, and she could feel the familiar rush of heat his lips always brought. But instead of taking things any further, he pulled away.

“I’m afraid I must go; others will expect to see me elsewhere in the Enclave, and I’d rather not court any more questions.” She smiled her understanding at him, and kissed him once more for good measure. He stood for a moment inside the door. Checking, she presumed, with his Force sense to ensure no one was waiting on the other side. Then he opened it, squeezed her hand once more, and was gone.

She sat down at the small table and made a halfhearted attempt to eat some of the food Tana-Re had brought. Now that Valen-Zo was gone, she was…less sure of herself and what she felt.

Did Zenith mean nothing to her? After all these years of rarely being interested in anyone, and certainly not to any great extent, only to become infatuated with Zenith so unexpectedly, was she now going to latch on to every man she came across? Or was it the sexual exploration that was causing this attachment she had to Valen-Zo? That seemed…not unlikely... With no experience in the realm of romance, perhaps she was just confusing lust with affection.

She meditated for quite some time, trying to center herself and understand where her feelings were coming from. As darkness fell outside and in the room, she lit no candles, but remained sitting cross-legged on the bed, drawing on the Force to calm her emotions and search for their source.

After a full two hours, she felt reasonably certain she felt something more for Valen-Zo than just physical desire. Even when she smoothed out all of those feelings within her, a core of emotion remained, burning in her chest; a longing for him that had nothing to do with their intimate encounters.

But she was still confused about Zenith. She did find that her feelings for him seemed to stem from…some air of mystery or inaccessibility about him. She had never consciously found those things attractive, but apparently they’d held some draw for her. Even when she concentrated strongly on the moment when Zenith had kissed her, her conclusions were muddled. That whole evening had been fraught with lust, up until the last few minutes when Zenith was asleep in her bed. The memory of that brought a warm glow to her chest, but it was nowhere near as strong as what she felt on recalling the nap she’d had with Valen-Zo earlier. However, that could just be due to proximity, and time. She’d had a lot of new experiences recently to replace the ones she’d gained with Zenith, so she couldn’t really trust herself.

She decided to send him a message; perhaps his reply would help her unravel her feelings. Even if not, maybe just the act of putting her feelings down in her datapad would relieve some of this emotional confusion.

She sent a message to Zell first, knowing her cousin would want her to check in. She said she'd come to the right place, and would let her know when she was on her way back.

When she finished that and opened a message to Zenith…she sat for almost ten minutes, staring at the screen. She had no idea what to say. Should she ask him how he felt? Tell him how _she_ felt? She couldn’t do that anyway, she didn’t know. Finally, she made do with a little bit of probing amongst generalities (well, lies, to be honest) about her trip. She told him she could explain some things when she got back, and she hoped he hadn’t taken offense at her abrupt departure. As satisfied as she could reasonably be, she sent the message. Then she scanned through some reports that had been delivered to her device, and by the time that was done, she felt like she might be able to sleep again.

***

She slept fitfully, despite her evening meditation, and woke up feeling less than rested. Tana-Re appeared early with breakfast, and told Azeraya to make her way to the changing room to bathe as she had yesterday.

She had mixed feelings. Her desire flared at the thought of what she might end up doing with Valen-Zo today, but on the other hand…she wasn’t sure that the continuing intimacy was going to help her confused emotions at all. But she reminded herself that emotions weren’t what she’d come here for; she was trying to treat her Force-weakness, and if it was extremely pleasurable for her to do so, she didn’t see anything wrong with that.

Before leaving the room, she noticed the datapad beside the bed was blinking. Her stomach did a somersault; she’d forgotten she sent a message to Zenith last night. Could he have replied already? Suddenly she dreaded his answer. Either she got rejected, which wouldn’t feel very pleasant, or he told her he was still interested, which would just convolute things more. She didn’t know which she wanted less.

But she couldn’t leave the room without checking; then she’d just wonder about it for hours. She picked it up.

The message was indeed from Zenith. Her stomach turned over again.

“ _Don’t worry about the other day – I get it. Could tell you weren’t too happy about it, honestly it’s no big deal. Guess we got it out of our systems. Let’s just pretend it never happened.”_

This time her stomach contracted painfully, and she put a hand over her mouth. He was so…casual! She definitely hadn’t expected that. Was he just putting a brave face on things, when internally he was actually upset? But that didn’t really seem like him. He was normally quite straightforward, even when people didn’t like what he had to say.

She took a deep breath and calmed herself. It was useless to conjecture what he might have meant; what he’d _said_ was “let’s forget it.” And she would try her best to accept his suggestion.

She tried to project a calm visage as she left her chamber and made her way to the room with the bath. This time the bath was empty, and she debated whether she wanted to fill it in order to wash, then decided against it. She used the faucet at the head of the bath instead, which was similar to her refresher on the ship but with much better water pressure and heat. She stood blissfully under the small waterfall that poured forth, washing with some things she found on the edge of the bath.

She tried to meditate for a few minutes, imagining the water washing her clean of her negative feelings – it was unfair of her to feel resentment toward Zenith for his attitude. How could she feel any dismay at his rejection? After all, she had recently been taking (great) pleasure in another man’s company. She resolved to put Zenith out of her mind; she could deal with him, and with her feelings for him, when she got back to the ship.

She felt a little more calm as she let the water pour over her, more ready to dedicate herself to fixing her Force issue…and hopefully furthering her relationship with Valen-Zo in the process.

A knock sounded on the door. Her breath caught in her throat; desire surged through her. Maybe it wasn’t even him, she told herself, trying to remain calm.

Of course it was him. As soon as she heard his voice she called to him to enter; he walked in, saw her standing there, naked, underneath the stream of hot water, and barely had the presence of mind to close the door behind him. He stood there silently for several seconds; she could see his chest rising and falling rapidly.

Then, as if whatever magic held him had been released, he strode across the room in fewer steps than she thought possible, shedding his robe in the process. Almost before she could blink his arms were around her, and he was kissing her hotly, his hands roaming over her wet skin but somehow always keeping her body in contact with his from thigh to chest. She felt his length pressing against her, and before she realized what she was doing, she’d reached between them and took it in her hand.

He let out a ragged gasp. He was so warm, so hard; she could feel his blood pulsing beneath her fingers. Suddenly he was in the bath with her, water streaming over both of them. His lips never leaving hers, he reached down and slid his hand up her calf, picked it up, setting her foot on the edge of the tub. His hand went between her legs, and she whimpered as he slid his fingers into her, curving them so that he put pressure on that spot deep inside that made her cry out.

But she wasn’t satisfied with his fingers. Not really knowing how to ‘encourage’ him to take it further, she squeezed his shaft, hard. He bit her lip in return, but swiftly turned them so he was against the broad edge of the bath, sat down, and pulled her toward him until her breast was in his mouth. She couldn’t help but straddle him, her legs going to either side of his.

She experienced a moment of apprehension; this was different from the only position she knew, and she was afraid she might do something wrong. But she let it go – there were likely hundreds of ways to make love that she didn’t know about; Valen-Zo would teach her.

Slowly, he drew her head down, bringing her lips back to his, and pulled gently on her legs, to get her to put her knees on the edge of the bath, on either side of him. As she did he guided himself to her.

He opened his mouth, intending to ask her permission, she knew. She just put her fingers to his lips and slid down onto him, just a couple inches at first. She tried to maintain eye contact but couldn’t. The pleasure of it caused her own eyes to flutter closed; her head fell back, and a moan escaped her lips. She slid down another inch. Now his hands were on her back, digging in slightly, and his breath was rough. He moved his hand to the back of her neck, underneath her soaked hair, and pulled her toward him again, seeming unable to go without her lips for more than a few minutes. She wrapped her arms around him tightly, enjoying the feeling of their wet skin where her breasts pressed against his chest. She wanted him fully inside her, but she wasn’t sure if she was supposed to keep going herself, or let him do it. He sensed her hesitancy; he moved his arms up her back and around to grab her shoulders.

“Tell me, Azeraya….” He breathed against her neck.

“Valen-Zo…” she whispered, wanting to please him, but scared of ruining anything.

“Tell me…” He pushed down ever so slightly on her shoulders, and his length pressed into her a little more.

“Valen-Zo….please….” she gasped, then drew a breath. “Deeper.”

He groaned, and she felt his hardness swell. As her own arousal thrummed in response, he pulled down on her shoulders, hard.

His length thrust fully into her, and she cried out, digging her fingers into his shoulders. His hands went to her waist, moving her up and down, and after a moment she began moving on her own. He felt so good inside her – she wanted this to last for hours.

But then she shifted, moving her hips forward slightly, and let out a startled gasp as his shaft pushed forcefully against that spot he always found with his fingers. Valen-Zo made a little growling noise in his throat and grabbed her hips, pulling her forward every time she slid down on him. She couldn’t have formed words if she’d wanted to; the pleasure was almost unbearable, and she was letting out a little whimper with every thrust.

She felt low rolls of pleasure rippling like thunder across her; her cries grew louder.

“Yes,” he whispered against her neck. “Yes, my lover…”

At this point any endearment or sign of pleasure from him would have shattered her, but the way he said this – his voice, though husky with need, broke ever so slightly. Her heart clenched, almost echoing the pressure between her legs. She cried out his name and clutched him to her, continuing her movements as pleasure wracked her body.

As her shuddering slowed, so did she, but she didn’t stop – even though she was so sensitive now that she bit her lip as she continued moving. It wasn’t painful, but it was so intense she worried for a moment that she couldn’t take it.

But it faded to a bearable pulse of pleasure, and she began to concentrate on him; moving slightly forward or back, speeding up or slowing down until she found a movement that made his hands tighten on her waist, and a groan escaped him.

Feeling almost giddy with this power, she kept up this almost back and forth movement. She leaned forward, her lips touching his ear.

“Valen-Zo,” she whispered.

“Azeraya…”

“Please…” she murmured plaintively, echoing her earlier tone. “Please come for me.”

His body tensed and an almost animal growl escaped his lips; the feeling of his length pulsing inside her was all the reward she would ever need. His arms went fully around her and he buried his face in her neck as he came deep within her.

As she had last time, she couldn’t restrain a noise of satisfaction as she feathered kisses along the smooth skin of his jaw. His arms remained tight around her for several minutes, almost as if he were trying to keep time from moving forward, and keep them in this moment as long as possible.

But finally he loosened his arms and leaned back slightly, against the tiled wall of the bath. He gently pushed wet strands of hair away from Azeraya’s face. She closed her eyes and leaned into his hand.

“You know, you’re very…talented, for someone with no experience,” he murmured as he took her hand, kissing the inside of her wrist.

She was profoundly gratified, and blushed hotly. “I…don’t know what to say,” she stammered. “That’s…rather a lovely compliment coming from an expert.”

He smiled at her. But then his face fell a little, and he looked away.

“I feel that I have…overstepped, today. Multiple times,” he explained.

“Overstepped?” Azeraya asked, confused.

“I should not have…instigated this like I did. I’d been thinking of you all night, and when I came here this morning that was not what I intended to happen, but I saw you, and…”

She brushed his lips with hers. “You may have noticed,” she murmured in between kisses, “that I very much enjoyed what you…instigated.”

He smiled slightly, but rushed on. “Also, I apologize for…using an endearment as I did, I shouldn’t have, and the reasons have nothing to do with my work.”

Now even more perplexed than before. “Why is that wrong?”

“It may not be so in your culture, but for Voss…” he sighed. “Perhaps I should explain it later. We should get you dry or you’ll become chilled.” His manner hadn’t cooled, exactly, but she could tell their idyllic moments in the bath had come to an end. She rose and stood under the stream of water again to rinse off; Valen-Zo did as well, and as she stepped out of the bath he turned back the valve on the faucet. She reached for the towels that were on a shelf near the bath, but Valen-Zo grabbed one first, and began slowly drying her, running the towel over her arms, her legs, and her torso. He quickly dried himself as well, then held out her robe for her to step into.

He sighed ruefully as he gathered his from the floor, shaking it out before donning it. Hearing this, she caught his hand and squeezed it, hoping to let him know she really didn’t see anything wrong with his actions this morning. If she’d wanted him to be less…passionate, she would have told him so; or better yet, she wouldn’t have called him into the room while she was standing naked in the shower.

He drew her to the platform, and began explaining to her the force exercises he intended to have her perform that day.

Although he was as sweet, as attentive as before, she could tell he was trying to put a sliver of distance between them. She tried not to be hurt by this, but after the sharp rejection she'd suffered from Zenith, it was hard not to feel let down. She did her best to ignore it; she was very new to this – whatever 'this' was – and it was probably wise of him to slow down their headlong rush.

A few days went by in this manner, but he did continue taking at least one meal with her every day, and his manner towards her did not seem to cool, exactly, although he refused to bring up again what he'd said to her in the bath. But she took heart; when he kissed her, she felt no lessening of his affection; if anything, it had increased. She felt the pull between them growing, herself, and wondered how much longer she could remain silent about it.

Meanwhile, her Force control was actually improving, albeit very slowly.


	4. Progress

One morning, he came to fetch her from the bath as usual. He kept her hand in his grasp as they left the room, but she was surprised when they bypassed the center platform. He led her just beyond it, to a door she’d not noticed before, partially obscured by the draperies.

He ushered her through it, and her mouth actually fell open for a moment with shock. This room was nothing like the other luxuriously appointed rooms of the Enclave. It seemed much less…rich, and much more comfortable. Where every other room save the tile entry had been thickly carpeted, the floor here was made of lovely marled woods, interlocking in a random pattern that made it somehow even more warm and inviting. Against the wall across from her was a fairly large bed, simple but beautifully made. To the left was a desk similar to what she’d seen in some Voss homes before, of gleaming amber woods to match the bed. On the other side was a table with only one chair. Against the near wall was a large wardrobe. And the far right wall was in essence a giant window - horizontal slats were all turned so that a clear view outside was visible, although it looked like they could be completely sealed if turned 90 degrees.

The view was the same stunning one that she saw daily from the garden; this wall must face in the same direction. On the other side of the open windows a low outdoor couch and table sat outside.

Once she’d managed to take all this in, she turned to Valen-Zo, who was watching her very closely.

“What is this room? It’s so…”

“Yes?” He seemed eager to hear her opinion.

“It’s absolutely lovely, I prefer it above all else in the Enclave. But why is it so different?”

His smile surprised her. But when she thought about it for a moment…

“Is this... _your_ room?” she asked.

He nodded, still smiling.

“But…so you live here? You don’t…go home to your own house every day?”

“My living arrangement is different from the other Healers that practice here. Most of them do have their own…families that they return to.” His smile faded; he didn’t seem unhappy, exactly, but it seemed his light had dimmed somewhat.

“I apologize if I asked a sensitive question,” she said, squeezing his hand, which she had never let go of.

“No, it is not…well, yes, I suppose it is. But that is not your concern. We need not speak of it.”

He led her to the terrace, and they sat down on the couch, slightly facing one another, their fingers entwined.

This time, for once, Valen-Zo looked more hesitant than she. His gaze fixed on their hands and he didn’t speak for a few minutes.

Impulsively she leaned forward and kissed his cheek. His eyes flew to hers as if startled out of a reverie, but he quickly put the back of his hand to her face, almost reverently.

Finally he spoke, but not before he redirected his eyes to the scenery, and she couldn’t be sure if he was feeling self-conscious or not. “You should know…I have not…” He sighed and began again.

“I have never brought anyone to this room before.”

He continued to gaze out at the landscape, as if afraid to see her reaction to this. But after a moment or two he couldn’t help but look at her.

She was grinning stupidly. She'd thought, hoped that he would make some sign that they could move forward; she felt too shy to do anything herself, but she wanted to – _stars_ , she wanted to, and now here he was bringing her to his own space, something he'd never done before…

She abandoned his hand and threw her arms around his neck.

“What a lovely gift,” she whispered into his shoulder.

Naturally his arms went around her as well, and he seemed heartened by her response; he kissed her hair, and continued.

“I’m glad you approve. I was afraid you would be…put off. By the way it looks, and by…” he trailed off, and she leaned back.

“It’s absolutely beautiful, Valen-Zo. I would appreciate you bringing me here just for that. But what else did you think I might have a problem with?”

“I feared you might think it too…forward of me.”

The sound of her laughter rang out through the small terrace, and Valen-Zo raised an eyebrow.

“I’m sorry, but I find your comment to be terribly ironic,” she giggled once she’d gotten her breath back. “Not only have we engaged in some of the most intimate activities possible, but clearly you must know—I mean, you must realize how I….” her laughter suddenly deserted her, and her face turned pink.

Now it was his turn to be amused.

“What is it that I must realize, hmm?” he teased.

“I…I am not very good at this, but I…” she stammered, suddenly unable to put words together coherently.

Relenting, he pulled her back into his arms. “I think I understand.”

“Mmmf,” she mumbled into his robe. He chuckled.

“That being said,” he continued, a smile still in his voice, “I have a request of you. But…” suddenly he seemed less sure of himself. “Please let me know if you do not wish to, I will completely understand, but I—“

“Will you just tell me,” she interrupted, laughing inwardly at how the two of them were trading embarrassment back and forth.

“I…would like you to…choose a name to call me.”

She leaned back again, confused. “What do you mean?”

“As I’m sure you’ve noticed, Voss go by their full names; you would probably think that’s the case at all times, since in public this never changes.”

“Yes, I had gathered that. But you’re saying in private it’s a different matter?”

He hesitated for another moment. “Yes. Normally the person we partner with will pick a shortened name, that is only used when they are alone together.”

Her stomach turned over, and at the same time her heart gave a huge lurch. Valen-Zo, sensing her sudden emotional upheaval, immediately began backtracking. “Of course, I apologize, it is much too soon for such a thing, I did not mean to offend—“

Her lips cut him off as she practically threw herself back into his arms. For a brief second he just sat there, stunned, but quickly recovered, clasped her tightly to him, and returned her kiss with vigor.

Pulling her mouth away from his briefly to speak, she finally replied. “So it’s like a nickname. Can I pick anything? Are there rules?” She gave him two more kisses before she allowed him to answer.

“Not really any rules, no—” another kiss, “it can be something totally different, or –” and another, “a shortened form of one’s actual name.” She silenced him for another couple of minutes, then finally withdrew her lips only to place them against his ear.

“Would it be acceptable to call you…Vale?” she asked tentatively, hoping he wouldn’t think it stupid in its simplicity.

His arms tightened around her, and he sighed into her hair. The emotion she could barely sense radiating from him convinced her that this was, indeed, a momentous thing for the Voss, and she hoped she’d treated it with the reverence it deserved.

She took his body language as an assent, and hoped she would remember to call him Valen-Zo in others’ presence in the future, because somehow Vale seemed to fit him better. But then something occurred to her.

“Does that mean…would you choose a name for me, as well? Or does it not work that way, since you already don’t call me by my full name?”

“Actually…” he replied, still a little hesitant, “I’ve already thought of one, if you permit it.”

“Of course I do,” she was quick to reassure him. She leaned back again, taking his hands, eager to hear what sort of thing he was going to call her.

“I would like to call you…Asha.” Was he blushing? Could Voss even blush?

“Oh, stars….that’s so lovely! Is it…is it a name you created, or does it mean something?” Regardless of his answer, she would hold this word close to her heart, simply because it was his name for her.

“It is our word for…the sigh that the leaves make when the wind blows through them.”

Azeraya forgot to breathe for a moment. She didn’t think she’d ever heard anything so heartbreakingly poetic in her entire life. And for him to say it…about her…it was unbelievable. She’d known that the Voss were a deeply emotional people, and that they did compose poetry in their own language on a regular basis, but…she was overwhelmed. A tear escaped her, and she threw her arms around his neck again. He could easily tell that she was pleased with this name; he stroked her hair as she sat there, silently, in his arms for several minutes.

“May I ask you something?” she asked, not moving from what was fast becoming her favorite spot, her head nestled in his shoulder.

“Of course.”

“You said, a few days ago, that…you shouldn’t be using endearments. Was that related to this somehow?”

He sighed. “Yes. In my culture, calling someone by such a term is…even more personal than a chosen name. It implies a sort of bond that…I mean to say, I got ahead of myself when…”

He trailed off as she turned her face to his neck, kissing him just below his ear, then down his jaw, then the corner of his mouth. He closed his eyes, and his breath quickened slightly, but then he chuckled.

“I see you are trying to demonstrate your lack of concern for these implications,” he said, “but I assure you, it is a very serious thing for me to speak so to you, at any time, much less when we are…” he cleared his throat, “together.”

“Tell me what is serious about it. What do you mean about it implying a bond? What sort of bond?” she punctuated these phrases with continued kisses to his neck.

He sighed heavily again, seeing he was not going to get out of explaining it to her.

“It is what Voss do when they are married, Asha.”

Her lips stilled for a moment; partly because he’d used the name, which for some reason sent shivers down her spine, and partially because of what he'd said.

For one, she’d only just met him. It was ridiculous to think about such a thing at this point. Even if their relationship had already progressed very quickly, that didn’t mean they would consider anything like marriage.

Besides that, her kneejerk reaction to the idea of marriage was "Jedi aren't allowed to marry". But she wasn't a Jedi any more. And besides that, she was witness every day to a very loving relationship between her cousin and Felix. She'd become disillusioned with the whole order, and there was no reason she should retain belief in this section of their misguided 'code', any more than the rest of it.

Vale interrupted her musings. “I can see you are troubled by this, and I apologize, I will not make this error again.”

Snapping out of her reverie, she pulled back, put her hands on either side of his face.

“I am the one who is sorry – please do not mistake my silence for displeasure.” He looked intently into her pale green eyes, as if he could absorb her thoughts and in so doing come to a better understanding of her. “I am merely…considering some things. About how I was raised, and…”

“I did not mean to make you question your beliefs—“

“That’s not what I mean. I…never really agreed with certain parts of the Code. I was rarely tempted to break them before, but that didn’t mean I thought they should be followed to the letter. But I should clarify that, despite how Gaden-Ko introduced me, I am…no longer technically a Jedi." She still felt a little strange saying the words, but this discomfort was decreasing with each passing day. "But in any case,” she added, hoping to avoid this topic for now as it seemed a little awkward for both of them, “I will weigh carefully what you have said, and perhaps we can speak of it again later.”

“Very well,” he replied, seeming happy to bypass the subject as well. “I would actually like you to do something for me,” he continued.

“Of course, what is it?”

He stood up and took her hand, guiding her to the outer edge of the terrace. He pulled a box in front of them that she hadn’t noticed before, and removed the top of it. It seemed full of bricks of some sort, perhaps paving stones.

“I need to see what your Force-power is like when you are not in a state of…excitement,” he explained.

She actually giggled. “To be fair, Vale,” his eyes closed for a moment when she said the name, “you’re hardly going to get an accurate assessment if you’re in my presence at all.”

He chuckled as well. “Very funny, but I think we can manage.”

“Just warning you. Now what do I need to do with these?” She walked up to the box.

“Please lift them out of the box and place them on the ground there.” He pointed to a spot just outside the tile floor of the terrace.

She took a deep breath, did a mini-concentration exercise to center herself, then opened her eyes and easily lifted the stones out of the box, setting them carefully on the ground as he’d asked. She didn’t even need to bring her hands into play to focus the Force; this task was trivial.

He gave a little “hmm” and seemed to be considering this.

“Please turn over the top stone.”

“Very well.” She lifted the top stone, turned it upside down, and set it exactly back in place.

“Alright, break the stones.”

“All of them? That seems a waste.”

“That’s what they’re here for, I assure you we have more,” he replied, a smile in his voice.

“If you say so.” Wanting to impress him, but hoping she didn’t look like a showoff, she gave a small gesture with her right hand.

The stones vibrated for a moment, and then just…disintegrated.

Valen-Zo’s eyebrow shot up. He was definitely impressed, she thought. Mission accomplished. “Well…that tells me something about your power. But what about your precision?”

She supposed she might as well continue her Force-boasting. Before he could instruct her to do anything else, she held out her hands, drawing the grains from the stones into the air. She whipped them around in an intricate dance, like long grey ribbons, crossing one over the other, spinning this way and that, and finally diving back into the box.

Valen-Zo just stared, seemingly at a loss. She couldn’t prevent a small, self-satisfied smirk. He finally turned to her. “I suppose that tells me what I need to know…”

She couldn’t help but laugh at his expression. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself,” she finally managed.

“Indeed, I can see you’re very pleased with yourself,” he joked. “As well you should be, that was quite a display.”

“Thank you,” she replied, gratified. “I suppose we’re done with the aptitude test, then.”

 “In that case,” he added, his voice deepening a notch, “perhaps we should continue your…healing.”

Her breath caught in her throat as he took hold of the belt of her robe, slowly pulling out the knot she’d tied.

“What…” she swallowed and tried again. “What might that entail?” she asked, her breath coming faster as he fully untied the belt.

“Well,” he murmured as he guided her back into the room, his hand on her lower back, “now we will begin to work on your control.”

As soon as they were inside the room, he twisted a lever near the door, and the slats of the windows shut part way, letting only hazy light into the room and preventing any view from outside. Azeraya merely stood there, waiting to see what he was going to do. Whatever it was, she was sure she was going to enjoy it.

Turning back to her, he took her hand, and guided it to the belt of his own robe. Heat blossomed between her legs – but how could the act of untying his robe kindle such desire in her? She didn’t understand it, but she was happy to oblige. Echoing his movements of a few minutes ago, she slowly pulled the knot free, then boldly pushed the robe apart, and slid her hand over his muscled chest.

He closed his eyes for a moment, and as she snuck her hand under the neckline of the robe and pushed it off his shoulders, he drew in a sharp breath. The robe fell to the floor, and once again she took a moment to just stare at him. His body was so attractive to her it was like some sort of magic; she could sit here and look at him all day.

But she’d rather be touching him.

She ran her hands over him, savoring the warmth and smoothness of his beautifully-hued skin, and the muscles beneath it. She ran her hands up his arms, over strong shoulders, down his firm chest and belly. She roamed over his hips, then around and up his back.

He was still beneath her hands until her arms were all the way around him, and then he encircled her with his own. He seemed like he wanted to kiss her, but he hesitated for some reason. She stood on her toes and pressed her lips to his instead. After a moment he explained himself.

“It is very…different, to approach this part of the healing with you,” he said. “It is normally rather…cold. Impersonal.”

“Would you…rather we did it that way?” she asked, a little afraid of his answer. She wasn’t sure she _could_ remain impersonal with him.

“No, not at all,” he assured her. “I just have to remind myself that when I wish to…take liberties, with you, I can.”

She smiled glowingly at him. “Please do, Vale.”

He closed his eyes for a moment and returned her smile.

Then he gently pushed her toward the bed. He turned and sat on the edge of it; the mattress appeared very soft on the very top but quite firm underneath. As he drew her toward him, he reached around her and pulled on the back of the robe; she held her arms back so he could easily slide it off of her.

She was still slightly nervous to be so exposed in front of him, but her shyness was abating. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her belly; she couldn’t stop herself from putting her hands on his head and cradling it to her stomach. As she did he continued tracing his lips across her skin, and he reached down and ran his hands up the back of either leg; she held her breath for a moment, thinking he would touch her, but he didn’t.

His hands moved back down to the backs of her knees. He put gentle pressure against first one, then the other, pulling her knee towards him, so she was kneeling on the bed, similar to what they’d done in the bath the other day. She hovered over him, not wanting to force this encounter to progress any faster than he thought was needed. He continued kissing her belly, then her hip, then back up to the curve of her breast.

She desperately wanted him to take it in his mouth, but again he didn’t do what she expected.

He looked up at her. “Asha…” he murmured, pressing another kiss against her ribcage. “Look up, do you see the sphere hanging from the ceiling?”

A little confused, she did as he asked, and sure enough, just above her head there was a metal sphere in some sort of coppery color, hanging by a silken cord from the ceiling.

“It can be used for meditation,” he explained. She still did not feel enlightened; what did that have to do with their current activity?

“Please try to move it to one side, then the other.”

Oh, stars. Of course, she still needed to work on her Force control. She’d almost forgotten.

She complied, trying as best she could to focus. She was able to move it several inches to the left, and then, her brow crinkling with concentration, several inches to the right.

“Good,” Vale drew her attention back to him as he pulled her head down to his for a lingering kiss. As his lips softly traced over hers, he pulled her hips down until his shaft was pressing into her. He continued pressing her down, sliding very slowly into her, her wetness easing his entry. She whimpered as she finally sat all the way down.

She started to move, but he grabbed her hips. Breathing heavily, she looked a question at him. Why had he stopped her?

“As much as you and I both want you to keep going like you did in the shower,” he began, and she felt a thrill of enjoyment at the knowledge of how her movements had pleased him, “for this exercise, I need you to remain still. We’re going to remain still for quite a while, actually.”

“I…suppose I can handle that,” she breathed. But she wasn’t sure how this would be effective; if she wasn’t getting closer to climax, how was he supposed to test her focus at various stages—

Then he…moved. Inside her.

  1. _OH_.



She gasped. He did it again, and she cried out, then clapped a hand over her mouth. At this rate she’d be screaming before they’d gone three minutes. Valen-Zo seemed gratified at her response, and gripped her hips tighter. She didn’t know how he was doing that…she could only call it…flexing. But in her limited experience it was…well, she didn’t know if she could last another thirty seconds before she came, and it didn’t seem fair for her to climax so easily when he wouldn’t let her please him in return.

“Asha…I know it is difficult, but…try to control yourself.” Try to _what_? she thought, almost not understanding his words. “The purpose of these exercises is to build up your control, so that you can learn to separate the part of you that draws on the Force from the part that gets aroused.”

She struggled to comprehend what he’d told her. So…this was the way that she could learn to use the Force properly again? If so, she would do her best. She closed her eyes, and took a deep breath, but that merely seemed to send blood rushing between her legs even more, so she tried to breathe evenly. She couldn’t prevent the occasional vocal sigh as he continued flexing his length inside her. After a minute he directed her attention toward the sphere over her head again, and he watched as she tried to move it. It swung back and forth slightly, but that was all.

Now Vale-Zo reached underneath her legs and pushed her knees farther apart on the bed, effectively bringing her down even further on him, and he moved again as she came down. This time she did cry out, perilously close to an orgasm. He seemed able to tell that she couldn’t hold out much longer, and he stilled for a moment. At least, she thought, he too was breathing heavily, as if it cost him a great deal not to just take her as he wished.

He pulsed once more, and she felt her orgasm building; she subconsciously tried to move against him, to speed her release, but he wouldn’t allow it, firmly gripping her hips. He gave a negative murmur, smiling a little as she bit her lip.

“Look up one more time for me Asha.” _Damn the stupid sphere_! But she did as he asked, focusing as hard as she could on the metal ball, directing all her energy into moving it.

It only spun in place.

She gasped as he finally took her breast in his mouth, and at the same time let go of her hips, allowing her to move as she wanted. Immediately she began sliding up and down on him, and before she could do it more than three times, her climax took her. He continued flexing inside her as she came, and she wailed his name into his shoulder as her body shook with pleasure. Finally she relaxed against him, somehow feeling exhausted, and he just held her there for several moments as she got her breath back.

“Vale,” she breathed, her head on his shoulder as usual, “you…you didn’t…”

“Do not worry Asha, there is time for that later,” he replied as he stroked her hair. She shivered slightly as a breeze drifted in from the partially open windows, and he tore the blanket off the bed and drew it around her so fast that she thought he must have used the Force.

Again she was struck by how safe she felt, sitting there in his room, on his bed, her arms and legs wrapped around him, his own arms cradling her, the blanket surrounding them both. As if all cares in the world could just be shut away, and they two could remain here, untouched by it all.

She knew this was simple fancy on her part, but she indulged it nonetheless. At least for a few moments.

She’d never allowed herself to desire safety or care before. Those things were _her_ job – she many no longer be a Jedi, but she was still a protector. It was her life’s work to keep others safe.

But she was coming to wonder if it had to be that way. Perhaps being happy and fulfilled herself was not mutually exclusive to protecting others. It was something to think about.

The next days passed similarly, and eventually she was able to maintain control over the meditation orb far longer into their activities; she'd thought she wouldn't care as much about this, now that the Zenith issue had been removed and she felt so safe with Vale. But she was still relieved that she was making progress – she knew she would never have to use these skills with Vale, but the mere fact that she was regaining control over her abilities was making her feel more confident overall.


	5. Learning

Some days after her arrival – days that felt like months, to her – he asked her to sleep with him, in his room.

She was nearly overcome by her happiness at this request; although their fledgling relationship was progressing, and they were taking meals together, and remained together long after their 'sessions' were done, she couldn't deny that the feeling of being a patient still lingered. The time they'd spent in his room had worked to dispel this, but she thought that staying there overnight  would eradicate it altogether.

After her evening meal had been collected by Tana-Re, Az took a shower, but when she got out and prepared to put yet another robe on, she sighed and sat down on the couch instead.

Suddenly she regretted that she had nothing pretty to wear – not even any attractive regular clothes, much less underthings. She wondered what they  might have in Voss-Ka…but she couldn't very well tell Vale she couldn't see him tonight because she had no lingerie.

But this felt like…what might be called a 'date', even though they were already close, and she already ate lunch with him every day…

Made love with him every day.

She blushed as she thought of this, but it was the truth. Regardless of the Force training he insisted on most of the time, there was no denying that's what they were doing, and that him helping her with her affliction was now something he wanted to work on for her, personally, and for their progress together.

Abruptly it hit her that she did have one thing to regret in this scenario.

Because he'd seen her naked immediately, and she always came to him with nothing but the robe, there was no longer any point to doing many of the things she'd read about; showing up in a coat or Jedi robe with nothing underneath them but fancy underthings, or even wearing said underthings unexpectedly below her regular clothes, and letting him catch a glimpse of them …

For some reason she was inordinately saddened by this. When she'd read these articles on the holonet, she'd found the idea charming, thrilling. Adding a little extra magic into one's relationship, it seemed to her. But because of the way she'd met Vale, there would never be any purpose to doing something like that; why wear extra garments when he would probably just expect her to be naked beneath the robes, instead?

But there _was_ one thing she'd 'researched'…something that had seemed off-putting out of context, but when she thought about doing it with Vale, she had the opposite reaction. Perhaps, in the absence of fancy underthings, this was something she could do that would make tonight seem more special? She didn't really know how – she hadn't been able to read much more than the basics before she was overcome with embarrassment – but she was sure she could please him somewhat, not to mention he would likely be surprised that she tried it at all.

She smiled, feeling much better, and finished getting ready. But at the last minute she hurried back to her room, holding her robe closed with one hand. She dug through her bag, and found the only thing she could even remotely consider attractive: a shiny, thin silver tank top – one she normally wore to train in – and a pair of white shorts that she usually wore to bed. It was the best she could do, so it would have to work; she put the robes back on over this, and hurried to his door, then knocked softly.

He opened it immediately, almost as if he'd been waiting; she found the idea very endearing. He was in his regular clothes as well, so she felt a little better about wearing something other than only the robes. She didn't really like 'lounging' in the robes in any case – they pulled awkwardly when she sat on them wrong, and the corded belt sometimes came undone.

He leaned down to kiss her at once, closing the door as he did so, and she gave a little sigh as his lips touched hers. The acrobatics her heart performed, the strange feeling in her belly whenever he touched her – it never seemed to lessen.

As soon as he drew back, she put her hands to the belt of the robe to untie it. She felt a moment's hesitation – wasn't there probably some…seductive way to go about doing this? But it didn't matter now, her garments were by no means lingerie anyway, they were just clothes.

He started to object, but she just smiled and shook her head, and continued; she laid the robe on his dresser, and then turned back to him, biting her lip. She tried to gauge his expression, and for a moment she wrung her fingers unconsciously, afraid of how he might react.

Then he swallowed, and reached out, tentatively, to put his hand on her waist, clutching it softly through the stretchy fabric. His voice was a little breathy when he spoke. "Who would have thought…that I would so enjoy seeing you in _more_ clothes…"

She smiled blindingly at him, delighted to know she had done this right. It gave her confidence for what she wanted to do next. Surprising him again, she took his hand and led him further into the room, to where a thick carpet covered the floor next to the bed. He regarded her, a question evident in the tilt of his head.

She felt a blush creeping into her cheeks, but she was determined to move forward. He had done something similar for her many times already, and though she knew it was completely different, she still wanted to try.

"Vale…if you would permit me, I would like to…to try something."

"Of course, anything you wish."

His quick agreement made her smile. "I…don't really know…that is, I'm not familiar with…I mean I've never done it before. But I hope…you might enjoy it, a little."

Though Voss didn’t' have eyebrows, she'd come to note that the beautiful ivory and yellow patterns on his face were an even better indicator of his mood. Currently she could see he was perplexed; she didn't blame him, she hadn't explained herself very well.

Instead of attempting more words, her hands slowly unfastened his pants. His breathing quickened slightly, but he just stood, allowing her to do as she wished.

Then she knelt in front of him.

His sharp intake of breath led her to believe he'd immediately realized what she intended.

"Asha…"

She'd pulled his pants down, just slightly, enough to free his length, but she didn't put her hands on him yet. She looked up. "Do you not wish it?"

He bit his lip and closed his eyes. "I…of course I…" He seemed to be having trouble forming words, and she just smiled, and slipped her hands around his girth. Using what little she'd learned during their time together, she stroked him, and was rewarded with  a small gasp of pleasure. His hand went to her face, pushing damp hair away from her forehead.

She'd been worried, before, that when it came down to taking him in her mouth she'd be too put off, too scared. But now that she was here, she found herself eager to taste him. She was still worried that she might look a little foolish, but hopefully whatever pleasure he derived from this experience would override her gross lack of experience.

Hesitantly, she leaned forward…and pressed her lips to his hard warmth.

He gasped, louder this time.

Encouraged, she applied her tongue, gently licking his shaft, then moving up to the tip. His growl awakened a heavy surge of lust in her, but she ignored it; she was doing this for him, not for her.

When she tasted the evidence of his need, she made a little noise in her throat, and in response his arousal throbbed hot in her palm, and against her lips. She only had an inch of him in her mouth, but she wasn't sure how much further to go. She supposed she'd go as far as she could, or until he stopped her. He was always so careful to gauge her reactions and adjust accordingly; she wanted to do the same for him.

She took a little more of him into her mouth, went a little further; the noises he made seemed specifically to indicate he wanted her to keep going, so she did. After just a few inches though, she could tell that any more would be too much; she withdrew, then slid her mouth back down.

His voice became almost tortured.

After a minute of this, he slowly raised his hand to cover hers where it still rested at the base of his length, and her desire rushed forth again as he gently showed her how to touch him, moving her hand in concert with her mouth as she continued her own movements.

Stars above, she wanted him, the heavy pulse of his manhood against her lips exciting her more than she would have thought possible.

"Asha," he ground out, removing his hand from hers, but she didn't stop. "I…I can't…"

She made an encouraging noise, and glanced up at him for a moment. This was more than he could take, and he gave an almost animal groan, and then swelled against her lips.

She closed her eyes and hummed with pleasure and deep satisfaction as his heat filled her mouth; she swallowed without even considering doing anything else.

He gave a shuddering sigh as she pulled back, and with shaking hands he buttoned his pants again, then collapsed onto the bed, and laid on his back, chest heaving.

Asha got up to lay next to him, her own breathing a little unsteady. He took her hand and brought it to his lips, then linked their fingers, and they laid silently for some time.

Finally he turned on his side and reached across to touch her cheek. She turned to him with a smile.

"Again I must point out that your satisfaction is extremely…charming."

"Good," she murmured. "Because your pleasure is very gratifying to me."

He kissed her forehead. "May I ask…what made you consider doing this? As you may have noticed, I have absolutely no objection, as long as you enjoy it, but…"

She blushed and turned away a little. She couldn't very well tell him that she'd looked it up on the holonet…how gauche would that be. "My cousin mentioned it to me, very vaguely," she lied, "and I just thought…I wanted to do something to please you. Since you are always so focused on pleasing me."

He turned her face back to his. "My—Asha," she tried not to react to his confusing slip of the tongue, "you should know that your mere…existence, on this plane, brings me great happiness. That I am allowed to touch you, kiss you, look into your verdant eyes…I cannot explain to you how magical this seems to me."

The way he spoke to her…it was like nothing she'd ever even heard of – nothing in her 'studies' had prepared her for the eloquence of his words, the enchantment of his voice, the deep solidity of what she felt for him.

"Hmm…perhaps there is a way to explain it to you." He squeezed her hand, then released it, and went across the room to the desk to fiddle with something she couldn’t see.

She decided to refrain from calling him back, as she had no problem with the view she was getting.

As soon as this thought crossed her mind she blushed. She had never before entertained such lustful thoughts about anyone – even Zenith. For a moment a breath of regret crossed her face for how naïve she’d been, and how she’d brought this entire situation on herself with her stupid attempts at flirting.

But the truth was, she had little problem with where she’d ended up. Of course, the circumstances that had landed her here were less than desirable, and she would always cringe inwardly when she thought of that night and what had happened between her and Zenith. But it could have been worse – she could have found out about her issue with someone that she didn’t know very well. And while it was true that Zenith had forced her, albeit unknowingly, he hadn’t been cruel or rough with her, so she supposed that was something, at least.

She shook away these thoughts as she heard strains of music coming from the side of the room where Vale was standing. The melody was entrancingly beautiful but bittersweet, as if it reminded her of something she’d never had. She was unfamiliar with this type of music – it was like nothing she’d ever heard.

She felt tears stinging her eyes, and realized she was just staring off into space, listening intently to the song. Vale was climbing back into the bed, and she remained silent as he gathered her into his arms, her head leaning on his chest as the sweet, melancholy strains filled the room. As the song trailed to a close, she noticed a few tears had escaped, and she wiped her eyes hurriedly; crying was not something she did in the presence of others.

“What sort of music is this,” she whispered – as if the atmosphere of the room had been altered by the music, and she didn’t want to disturb it.

“Something rather ancient that I got from a Hutt Cartel trader who was trying to do business here some time ago. I…collect offworld music, actually,” he added, sounding a little sheepish. “I’ve never played any of the music on that device for anyone just because it’s so different – not just to our own traditional Voss music but also to the music most outsiders listen to. But somehow…it comes close to capturing the feeling in my chest when I am with you.”

She was silent for a moment, trying to gather the proper words, but unable to settle one ones that would accurately describe her feelings.

“Somehow it…both hurts and heals my heart. At once. That’s a stupid way of putting it but I don’t know how else…” She fell silent as yet more wistful chords filled the room, and Vale turned her in his arms so she was facing him, sitting across his lap. He put his hand on the back of her neck, gently pulling her toward him until their lips met.

 _Such_ a kiss…she didn’t think she would ever have anything that compared to this, even with Vale himself. The flutter her heart always gave when he kissed her was compounded by the bruising it was taking as a result of the melancholy notes echoing through the room. Even as Vale’s lips and hands grew more insistent, pulling gently at her clothes and his own, her spirit felt simultaneously torn asunder and yet somehow augmented, as if her emotions were coming into creation at that very moment, never having been experienced by anyone before. Her tears were falling freely, but she didn’t mind; it seemed appropriate, somehow.

As he slowly maneuvered so she was beneath him, she clutched him fiercely; she felt like if she let go, some part of herself might fly away into the void. Only as he entered her did she realize his face was wet with his own tears. She kissed them as he slid into her, then quickly returned her lips to his own, gasping into his mouth. Their bodies melded in a way they had as yet never done; the music reverberating around and through them as they moved together, limbs intertwined, lips greedily seeking the other’s mouths, hands never leaving skin. He was so slow and gentle, but also she got a sense of intense need from him as he buried himself within her over and over.

“Asha,” he whispered desperately into her ear.

“Yes, Vale,” she replied, trying to convey everything possible into those two words. “Yes…”

He repeated her name again as his thrusts became deeper. She opened her mouth, had a split second to consider what she was about to say, and said it anyway.

“Yes, my love.”

He almost sobbed her name as he pushed into her, hard, clutching at her hair as he came, and the sound and feeling of his climax brought her release as well. They shuddered in each other’s arms , their bodies pulsing together as the heat between them shattered.

Sliding his arms around her, Vale turned over underneath the blanket, bringing her to rest on his chest, and then wiping the remains of tears from her face. She kissed him again, but she could sense…something. Was he upset?

“Vale?”

“I’m sorry Asha…I know it doesn’t mean the same thing to you, but I…”

“It does,” she assured him.

His expression nearly broke her heart; he looked so hopeful and yet so wistful at the same time.

“You…how can you know that?” He sounded like he didn’t dare believe her.

“Can’t _you_?”

“Yes, but…you are not Voss; I didn’t think…” he trailed off, clearly unsure how to continue.

"Because I am not Voss, you don’t think I can be certain of my feelings?” She was not offended, she simply wanted to understand why he was so hesitant to trust her.

“No! Well, yes, I suppose that is one way of putting it, but…I do not mean to insult you, Asha.” She tightened her arms around him to let him know she was not insulted. “I just do not wish to…assume that you are acting based on my culture, rather than your own.”

She thought about that for a moment.

“Vale…I don’t really _have_ a culture. My only culture is Jedi. I mean, of course, I grew up in the Republic. But the Republic is full of many different worlds and people. I have…no experience with…romance…” her voice broke as suddenly all the loneliness of her life washed over her. Something about the music had broken a wall within her, one that held back any bitterness about the life she’d led, one that usually successfully convinced her that her life, solitary as it may have been, was worthwhile because of all the people she’d helped.

And it was…mostly. But to live only for others, to never care for yourself…maybe it wasn’t the most healthy way of life. She admitted that now, as she sobbed against Vale’s chest, his hands stroking her hair, her back, his soothing voice calming her somewhat even though she could hear the sadness in his tone.

“Asha…my Asha...I’m sorry you’ve been so alone…”

She hadn’t told him her exact situation; he could just sense her emotions that clearly. Somehow, even though he was here now, this made her feel even more regret than before. She bit her lip to hold back a wail, and dug her fingers into his shoulder.

His arms remained tight around her. “It’s alright, Asha. Let it go. I’m here.”

He was right. He was there – and somehow, even though she wasn’t good at sensing others’ emotions, she got an inkling that he understood her feelings all too well. Her tears began to dry, and she scooted up to reach his face, planting a tear-stained kiss on his jaw, then his mouth.

She took a shaky breath and wiped her eyes. “Thank you.”

He merely kissed her again.

“I don’t…I have never cried. In front of anyone. Not since I was a child. It’s…rather liberating, to be honest.” She smiled at him.

"I am glad you feel safe enough to do this with me."

She nestled into his side; she did indeed feel safe. Had never felt safer.


	6. The Past

She woke very early the next morning; Vale was vast asleep, his breathtaking body stretched out next to hers like some kind of fantasy being. Unable to help herself, she ran a hand across the luminous cerulean skin of his back. She hadn't meant to wake him, but he caught her hand and pulled it around him, bringing her flush against his back, soft breasts pressed to taut muscles.

She bit her lip, and surprised both him and herself by pulling her hand away to run it down his flat stomach. But she began to lose her nerve – her hand slowed as she moved further down.

He took her hand, and moved it further, settling it on top of his hard length. She let out a little whimper, and he a gasp, as she lightly stroked him, his hand over hers, teaching, instructing.

Suddenly he turned, and pulled her on top of him. She sucked in a breath as she slid down on him – she'd been astride him before, but always when he was sitting up. Now, she felt exposed…for a moment she held her arms in front of her chest, her hands on his stomach.

He took her hands, not forcing her to do anything, but staring reverently at her.

"Please, Asha…let me look at you?"

The way he asked her, so gentle, his dual-toned voice quiet, respectful – she would do anything he wanted.

Slowly she pulled her hands away, and again shocked by her own boldness, she moved them behind her to rest on this thighs, and arched her back.

The swell of his length within her when she did this…she gasped, and let her head fall back. His hands went to her ribs, then gently slid up to cover her breasts.

As he did this she rose up, and then dropped down again, her soft flesh bouncing in his hands, and he groaned so delightfully that she couldn't stop. She raised her hands to cover his as she continued, and within a scant few minutes she was panting his name, and he hers. He tensed within her just as she tightened around him, shaking in unison, shared ecstasy dancing across every nerve of both their bodies.

She collapsed against his chest, trying to catch her breath, and he ran his fingers through her hair as they both calmed.

"It pleases me greatly," he whispered after several minutes, "that you are becoming more comfortable in my arms."

Though she blushed involuntarily as always, she smiled through her shyness. "Your attentions make me feel…confident. Powerful almost."

"Good. You are."

She giggled. He kissed her forehead, but then gently moved her off him to get up to use the refresher. While he was gone she put her clothes from the night before back on, finding them scattered at the foot of the bed. She wondered if Tana-Re might come by for something, and although she knew it was obvious that she and Vale were far off the usual course by this point, she at least didn't want to be caught in the nude.

On his return he too put clothes on, but just some sort of boxer briefs that Asha stared at, unable to tear her eyes away from the way they highlighted the muscles of his legs.

He cleared his throat, and she covered her face when she realized he'd seen her looking.

He laughed at her as he got back into the bed, pulling her against him. "I am sorry, I should not tease you, but you must know I greatly enjoy finding you staring at me."

"I can't help it," she said in a small voice, her face buried in his shoulder. "You're just so…"

"Is it because of my skin color?" He didn't seem offended, only curious, but she hastened to correct him.

"No! I mean…I suppose that is part of it, but it's because you're…you're just so beautiful," she mumbled, face burning.

He tightened his arms around her.

"Thank you, Asha," he whispered after a moment of silence.

"Do you mind if I…ask you a personal question?"

"You may ask me anything you wish."

“You mentioned that your living arrangement, here, was unusual. Are you…is it because you are alone? That you live here, rather than somewhere else?"

His eyes closed, and she felt guilty for asking him something that obviously pained him. But somehow she felt it was important that she know this about him.

“Yes. Many years ago, I had begun training as a healer. Then I lived with…” he paused for a moment and took a breath, and she grew concerned that this was a story too painful for him to tell. “I lived with my parents, and my brother and sister. In a house not far from here. They went on a pilgrimage, to one of the farther temples. I didn’t go because of my training.”

Even though his amber eyes were different, she could see his sadness in them, and she knew he was remembering things that perhaps were better left buried. But before she could say anything, he continued.

“They never returned.”

Her hand flew to her mouth. “I am so sorry, Vale! I…I should never have asked, I did not want to bring such a painful memory back to you—“

“It is alright. It is painful, yes, but it has been years, and I have learned to live with it now.”

“But what happened to them? Was it the Gormak?” Zell had told her that the Gormak could be very violent and aggressive; plus there were any number of natural predators on this planet…

“We do not know. The mystics had not seen anything of their fate, and their bodies were never found.”

“That’s…” she sighed. “I am sorry. I know that is insufficient. I had no parents; Zell was my only family and I didn't even know her that well, so I can’t imagine how difficult that must have been for you. Especially at a young age.”

“After they were gone, I tried to live in the house by myself. But…” he cleared his throat roughly, and she touched his face, wanting to use the Force to take away some of his pain but not wanting to diminish the importance of the story he was telling her. “I could not stay there for very long. After a few weeks I had completed my healer training, and I decided to make arrangements to live elsewhere. At the time, the only Healer positions available were here…and at a couple of the more distant shrines. Given what happened, I…didn’t feel comfortable working there either, so I decided to make my place here.”

She was shocked. “So…you were a young, newly trained healer, and you were just thrown into this position by circumstance? But…this type of healing is so…” She didn’t really have words to explain how she felt, only that it seemed an awful thing to be so young and be forced into this.

“I have not regretted it, Asha; I have helped many people, and until recently there were only two others who practiced this art, so my work was certainly needed.”

She had a hard time getting her head around this. But if he did not lament his situation, it wasn’t really her right to do so either; plus there was another reason for her to be glad he’d made this choice.

“I suppose I should be glad that you chose this place, considering I wouldn’t have met you otherwise,” she murmured as she stroked his face.

He genuinely smiled at that. “I agree,” he answered as he pulled her towards him. After a few moments he released her, and continued. “In any case, I asked them to let me stay here, in the Enclave, and since it was large enough they had no issue with doing so. They allowed me to decorate these rooms as I wished, and over time this wing of the Enclave became mine as well, only used for my patients.”

She was still curious about something. “So…you never had any…relationships, after you came here?”

“If you mean physical or romantic relationships, no.”

“I suppose we are not so different, after all…” Although she wasn’t sure either of their situations was ideal, this comforted her somehow.

“Indeed.”

“But…you were never tempted to…I mean, you never thought about having an…association of any sort? With any of your patients?” Why couldn’t she let it rest?

He thought about this for a moment. Her stomach began tying itself in knots as she waited for his answer. She wasn’t sure why, but didn’t want to examine it too closely yet.

“Honestly…” he began, and she found herself wishing she hadn’t asked. “While there have been many beautiful people that I have aided, and some of them did leave me perhaps, physically frustrated…I can’t think of a single one that I wanted to have anything further with.”

She released the breath she’d been holding. But then, suddenly something flared in her gut, something less like relief, and more like…anger? What was there to be angry about? It was his job.

She felt a stab of resentment for all the people who had passed through that room with the platform, even though she knew nothing of them, and hadn’t even known Valen-Zo a few days ago. Was she…jealous? Was this what jealousy felt like? She had no experience with it before.

Abruptly the situation slapped her with all the stunning power of Force lightning.

His job…was to have sex with people. Obviously it was much more complex than that, but that was breaking it down into the simplest terms.

What did that mean for her? For them? Could she be in a relationship with someone whose career involved being intimate with strangers?

There was no question in her mind that this would be impossible for her to deal with.

Abruptly she sat up, her hand going to her mouth. How had she let herself get into this situation? What a shambles her life had become….first she’d allowed Zenith to take advantage of her, intent notwithstanding, and now she’d managed, in a disgustingly short space of time, to fall in love with someone that she could never be with, because she wasn’t about to ask him to give up his life’s work merely because she couldn’t accept it. She knew this about him when they met – it was HOW they met. What was she thinking?

As Vale sat up in the bed, concern clear in his face, she realized she was crying again. She should tell him that she didn’t blame him – she’d brought this upon herself. But somehow she couldn’t manage to make any words. She could barely manage to inhale properly.

“Asha, please tell me, what is wrong?” His worry was acute; he seemed almost frantic to soothe her. After another moment or two passed and she still could do nothing but breathe roughly, and she put both her hands fully over her face, he resorted to desperate measures.

He put his hands on her wrists and slowly, gently poured the Force over her, allowing it to infuse her spirit and cool her desperate emotions from within. As he did this she could sense more of his feelings than usual, and even as the Force calmed her slightly his emotions toward her almost caused her to break down even more; not only had she led herself into this abyss it was impossible to crawl out of, but she’d dragged him in with her, and that was unpardonable. She should have thought about the consequences the moment she felt any spark whatsoever for him. She should have requested another healer. She should have…

Vale’s worry increased as he sensed the emotions pouring through his Force-connection with her. He channeled more serenity into her as he asked her again, “Please speak to me, I do not understand why you feel such remorse? What is it you think you’ve done?”

Finally she called on her own training as a Jedi, and with her own powers of meditation was able to accept his calming influence and take a few deep breaths. She wiped her face but knew she couldn’t completely rid it of the anguish she still felt.

“I have been naïve, Valen-Zo,” she stated flatly.  Her stomach clenched as she purposefully reverted to his full name, and the look on his face only compounded her pain. “I have caused us both to allow feelings that can never…” her voice became shaky and she sighed. “We can never follow through with this.”

He looked as if she’d struck him. She glanced once at his face and had to look away; his expression physically hurt her. But it was better to say these things now, before they went any further.

Who was she kidding? Any further – as if she hadn’t already given her heart to him, as if she wasn’t already crushed beyond anything she thought she could ever feel.

She slipped out of the bed and grabbed her robe from the floor, hastily putting it back on.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, tears overtaking her again, and ran out of the room, back to her sleeping chambers.


	7. Reassurance

She changed back into her normal clothes and was packing her things when she heard a knock on the door. “Jedi,” Tana-Re called. “You were not available earlier so I’ve brought some fruit, if you are hungry.”

Azeraya stood there for a moment, bitterly laughing at the irony of Tana-re proceeding as if nothing were amiss, and this was just another day of healing. As if the Jedi’s world hadn’t just disintegrated into a thousand pieces. Just like those bricks she’d destroyed…odd how fitting a metaphor it was. After all, she’d brought it upon herself.

She left her pack on the bed where it wouldn’t be seen, and opened the door. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here at the correct time, Tana-Re. Thank you.” She couldn’t infuse much inflection into her words, but she hoped she could at least pass as a normal person for a few seconds.

Apparently not.

“It is no problem, sometimes it is the case that you must eat at different times of the day during healing, so please do not trouble yourself. But Jedi, you look ill, are you alright?”

Azeraya sighed, struggling to keep her voice from breaking. “I am…fine. Thank you for your concern.”

“Pardon me for overstepping, but I do not believe you. Allow me to fetch Valen-Zo, he can—“

“No! No, that is not—you do not need to do that, I….” what little control she’d retained finally deserted her. Her words cracked on a sob, and she sank to her knees – a small part of her was mortified for Tana-Re to see her like this, but most of her psyche was overtaken with anguish, and couldn’t be bothered to think about anything else.

Tana-Re immediately set the tray she was carrying on the table and helped Azeraya to the bed. She couldn’t help but notice the packed bag, but she didn’t mention it. Once Azeraya was curled up on the bed she went to the wardrobe and opened a small drawer at the bottom, withdrawing a little jar. She brought it to the bed, and dabbing her finger into the cream she then rubbed a little of it on Azeraya’s forehead.

It smelled of flowers, and something sharp and minty. Soon Azeraya felt herself calm somewhat. But although she felt like she could regain her composure in front of the younger woman, and she began to breathe somewhat normally again, she couldn’t pretend she was anything other than broken inside.

“Thank you, Tana-Re. I apologize for this behavior, but please…do not ask me to elaborate.”

“Of course not, Jedi. I will not pry.” The Voss retrieved the tray from outside the door and set it on the table. She began to leave, but turned at the door. “I hope you will reconsider leaving us so soon.” Then she withdrew.

As she left Azeraya rolled over on her back and stared at the skylight above the bed. The floral scent of the cream lingered. Every few minutes she felt a tear roll down her cheek, as if her grief, while mostly under control, still could not be contained.

She needed to get up, finish packing, and leave. She had to contact Zell, find out where they even were…probably take a shuttle to the fleet. And then she’d have to face Zenith again…

After this, it should be easy enough to go the rest of her life without expressing emotion ever again. She had no desire to feel any of these things in the future. All the hope, the despair, the affection, the tenderness….the love. All of it belonged to him, and she wouldn’t sully the memory of these few days by trying to recreate that with anyone else.

She would be a model of a good Jedi, she thought bitterly. Maybe this was one thing they hadn't been wrong about – maybe this was why they weren't allowed relationships.

Her stomach, indeed all her insides felt too wretched to lay flat any more, and she rolled toward the wall, taking up her fetal position again.  She felt so ill she thought she might be sick. She needed to get a hold of herself. She knew that, but she couldn’t bring herself to get up. If she got up, it meant that she was one step closer to being gone. And she just wasn’t quite ready, yet.

Suddenly she felt...warmer, somehow, and less sick. She heard the door. She knew Tana-Re wouldn’t just enter without knocking.

It must be him.

Half of her heart leapt wildly with hope – but what hope was there to be had? She yanked savagely at her optimism, pulling it back down to a realistic level. There was no reason to think anything good would come of this – it would probably lead to them both being even more upset.

But…she could at least talk to him, couldn’t she? Just one more time…

She felt his hand on her shoulder, and to keep herself from sobbing yet again, she bit her lip so hard she drew blood.

The waver in his normally calm voice only made her feel worse.

“You must tell me why you are doing this. If you made a mistake about…about how you feel…”

“Vale, no!” She couldn’t let him continue under that assumption, he deserved for her to be clear about her stupidity, at least. She gathered her emotions as best she could, steeled herself, and sat up, turning to face him where he knelt by the bed.

Apparently she looked worse than she realized.

“Asha!” he gasped, putting his hand to her face. She grabbed it, unable to stop herself, and closed her eyes as she leaned her cheek into his palm. “You look….broken. Please tell me what I can do.”

“Vale…” at least, when she said his name, his face brightened almost imperceptibly. All she wanted was to see his face free of pain, and she didn’t know how she could make that happen; she’d brought all this onto both of them with her thoughtlessness.

“It wasn’t my feelings that I made a mistake about,” she finally managed, her voice sounding brittle even to her own ears. He closed his eyes for a moment. “The reason that we can’t…that I can’t…” her eyes began to fill with tears again. It was becoming a habit with her today – one she’d never indulged before this. But she was finding it almost impossible to control her emotions.

Vale seemed unable to restrain himself from putting his arms around her, and as he did she sensed a very slight Force-calm barely brushing up against her, as if he wanted to help but didn’t want to intrude. She wasn’t sure why, but this helped, almost more than anything else had. She took a deep breath and started again.

“It’s your work, Vale. I can’t ask you to leave your work. But I know I couldn’t accept you being…intimate with other people. And it’s my fault, I should have thought about that before I dragged us into – Vale?”

He had sort of sagged in her arms, but was holding her tighter than ever. His behavior seemed very strange. Perhaps now that he realized why she needed to leave…

He pulled back, and she had a split second to notice that he was smiling before his lips were on hers, kissing her fiercely, desperately, lovingly. How could she not kiss him back?

She leaned into him, sliding off the bed to kneel on the floor, her knee between his, her arms sliding up his back. They remained locked together for several minutes, neither willing to break contact; Azeraya didn’t want to risk letting go, because it might be the end. But he’d been smiling, what did that mean?

Finally he withdrew his mouth from hers long enough to speak.

“Asha…” he whispered, and the way he said it sent shivers down her spine. “You told me that you broke with the Jedi order, yes?" She nodded. "But…you can still help people, without being a Jedi, can you not?"

What a strange question... “Of course. My cousin and I have both done so on a regular basis since I left the order.”

He just stared at her for a moment, a rather amused expression on his face. “Asha, my calling as a Healer is not even as…specific as being a Jedi. Just because I do this work, does not mean this is the only life I can lead.”

Now she could not subdue the hope that surged within her – maybe she had overthought this. Maybe this wasn’t the end after all…

“I will be honest with you,” he murmured, “our Seers could tell me of a vision in which I had to leave you, and I would not believe it.”

Her eyes grew wide. This was such a dramatic statement for him to make; she knew that the Mystics’ predictions were taken as law, and if he were ever to actually defy that law, he would likely be exiled. Although she was honored beyond measure that he would consider her important enough to do such a thing, she had to hope nothing like that would ever come to pass.

“You should not say such things, Vale…” she whispered against his mouth, and his hands tightened on her back as she gently caught his lip between her teeth. “But even aside from that….it is so much to ask of you, to give up what you have made your life’s work…” her mouth moved to his jaw, then down his neck. She cherished the taste of him, now that she’d considered a lifetime without it.

A quiet sigh as she pushed his shirt back and found the bend of his neck.

“Asha, my love…” she clutched him tighter, reveling in the sound of these words on his lips, “I intend to make _you_ my life’s work.”

Her heart lurched so strongly it was physically painful. She leaned back so she could look into his eyes of flame, and put her hands on either side of his face.

She knew she didn’t have the Force strength that she normally did, just due to his proximity, but she thought this was the best way to show him how she felt. She called upon the Force, but rather than using it to cloak herself in serenity, she let the full force of her emotions wash over him instead. She had no poetry to explain to him with words, she had only this.

His eyes widened as her glow spread over him, and for a few moments they remained there, gazes locked on one another. But as he slowly pulled her toward him, her power began to wane, and of course he immediately guessed why. As he drew her in for a sweet, lingering kiss, her glow faded altogether. But she'd done enough; surely he understood now.

“We will find a way around all of this. We have barely had time to…to consider, to plan. But I swear to you, we will figure it out, together.” She knew he meant it, and the sincerity and determination in his voice gave her faith in him, in both of them. Perhaps…this could be done, after all.


	8. Exploration

Now that the horrible weight of despair had been lifted from her, she felt light, buoyant, like a feather, or like the sigh of a breeze he had named her after. She laughed with profound relief.

"Vale…would you mind…showing me your home? Voss-Ka, the rest of it?"

He smiled and rose, pulling her with him. "I will show you everything," he whispered, and kissed her again.

They were both dressed in normal clothes, and they wasted no time leaving the Enclave. She followed him through the main room with the platform, his own room from which he grabbed a few things and put into his pocket, out onto his terrace, and then off the paved area and to the left, around the building. After a moment they came upon a sort of garage with several speeders, and he took a starter remote out of his pocket and pressed the button. One of them flared quietly to life – it should not have surprised her that they would not have loud, smoke-spewing speeders on this beautiful planet – and she hopped onto it behind him.

First, he took her to Voss-Ka; she'd ridden through it on the speeder taxi when she'd gotten here, but only on her way to Gaden-Ko's house – she'd barely registered the crowds then. It was by no means the busiest city she'd been in, but there were quite a lot of people milling about.

Before they'd even stopped, she started to become uncomfortable.

Normally she would have no issue navigating a town full of strangers, just to purchase what she needed and get back to the ship (or her lodgings as the case may be). But speaking to a lot of them…that was a different matter. And she was relatively certain she'd have to talk to quite a few of them, considering that this was Vale's home…

And stars above, what if she called him _Vale_ in front of people? It would be unpardonably embarrassing for him…

"Asha? What is wrong?" They'd pulled over near some of the shops, and he got off the speeder but took her hand.

She closed her eyes for a moment, calming herself with the Force, reminding herself of the useful things she'd learned as a Jedi. She could do this. "I'm not fond of crowds, that is all." Well it was only partially a fib…

"I understand, we will not linger too long here, and I will take you somewhere more quiet."

She gave him a grateful smile.

But it immediately faltered, and she grabbed his sleeve before he could walk away.

Her Force-calm deserted her instantly. "I assume you might run into people you know here, yes?"

"It is possible, although unlikely – I do not keep much acquaintance with those in Voss-Ka. Why?"

"I…how will you introduce me? D-don't they know…what your job is? Even if you don't say…that I'm your…I mean, if you just tell them I—"

"Asha, calm down," he murmured, stepping closer and projecting his own Force serenity over her. "I will merely tell them you're a friend who is only visiting. Alright? They need know none of your personal business."

She took a deep breath. "Okay. I'm sorry, I just…I'm fine. Thank you."

"Unless…"

She tilted her head at him. "Unless you would prefer that I tell them," he glanced around, and stepped even closer, putting a hand to her face, "that you are mine."

Some noise escaped her throat; she wanted desperately to kiss him, but that would be going much too far in this busy place.

He smiled and stepped back. "But perhaps that would not be wise, since we have not yet discussed it."

She cleared her throat, closed her eyes, inhaled. Then followed him to walk among the different shops.

He pointed out one that sold fabric, and her eyes grew wide as she surveyed the vast array of luxurious bolts, many laden with metallic embroidery similar to the robes at the Enclave. She wished she could buy some of it, but she had no idea what she'd do with just fabric.

The next shop sold tea and accoutrements, and here she did come away with some items – a Voss tea set, and three different jars of tea. Vale chuckled at her, wondering if her cousin would think her mad for drinking Voss tea constantly instead of caf, but she just shrugged. "She's had it before – she may even try to steal some from me."

A whisper in the back of her mind asked if she even planned on continuing to travel with her cousin, but she ruthlessly squashed it; no need for such drastic imaginings right now.

Another shop sold tiny Voss trees in little terrariums, only one or two feet high. She thought they were the most precious things she'd ever seen, but she had no idea how she'd keep such a plant. Plus they were frighteningly dear.

Finally they made it to a few clothes shops, and her thoughts went back to the night before. She wondered if she could somehow separate herself from him for long enough to buy some things without him seeing them…

Serendipitously, Vale saw an acquaintance he needed to speak to a few stores down, and excused himself for a moment while she looked around.

Many of the items were intended to be custom ordered, but luckily the merchants seemed to have several things already made up at each store. As she had suspected after getting to know Voss culture better, there were some truly beautiful garments, items that would never be worn in public. The deeply and almost secretly passionate Voss would keep such things private.

She also bought several regular pants and shirts in varying shades of blue, and one of pale green, as recommended by the merchant. She was enamored of the simple yet elegant style of their clothes: the subtly textured fabrics, many with a slight sheen; the close-fitting garments that were yet very flexible; the varying deep jewel hues. All were a drastic departure from the serviceable, neutral clothes she had always worn as a Jedi, and which she hadn't yet gotten around to replacing. Hadn't even really thought about it, until recently.

She had accomplished all this, and Vale was still outside, a few buildings down, with his friend, seemingly engaged in a rather heated discussion. Feeling a bit awkward, she meandered slowly between the stores, glancing out of the corner of her eye at them to try and gauge when Vale might be finished.

She wandered into another store they hadn't visited yet, full of wooden artwork; carvings of small animals, geometric shapes, and even some small furniture. She found a little wooden bangle bracelet, with the landscape of Voss inlaid into it with lighter colored woods.

It was so intricate and lovely, she turned it over in her hands for a minute or two before setting it back on its display with a sad sigh. She'd never had a piece of jewelry in her life; what was the point now?

That was a lie – she'd had a child's bracelet on, something from her parents, when she'd gone to Tython. But she hadn't been allowed to keep it – Jedi weren't supposed to have a lot of material possessions, not to mention ones that reinforced their ties to their family.

Suddenly a wave of bitterness overtook her. She'd been forced to forget about her parents – indeed, she remembered almost nothing of them – and now , 25 years later, when she'd finally realized enough about the inadequacies and failings of the order to get out from under their thumb, her parents were dead, and she couldn't go back and try to reestablish a relationship with them.

She wondered how many other children had been treated the same, and how many other former Jedi existed, or even current Jedi who were disillusioned with what they'd been taught but could see no way to leave. Probably more than one imagined.

She felt a hand on her shoulder, and turned to find Vale regarding her with concern.

"Are you…upset?" he asked softly, mindful of the shopkeeper not too far from them. "I apologize for leaving you for so long—"

"No, it's…nothing to do with that. I was just thinking about the past. I'm fine, thank you."

As she turned to leave, she caught sight of a display of staffs, canes, and walking sticks near the door. She picked up a staff wrought in a beautiful golden wood, most of the length of it smooth and straight, with the ends carved into what looked like flames. She balanced it in her hand, careful not to disrupt any of the other displays in the shop.

She hadn't brought her own practice staff with her of course, although her actual lightsaber was in her bag back at the Enclave. But she'd had that training staff for years…perhaps it was time for an upgrade?

She wondered briefly about the cost – her credits were not at an ebb, at the moment, but neither were they that abundant. Was it justified? It was awfully beautiful…

She glanced at the shopkeeper, and handed her bags to Vale. "May I?" she asked, gesturing with the staff, and the merchant nodded. Vale remained just inside the door while she stepped out into the street, moving to the side a bit out of the way of passersby, and turned the staff this way and that in her hands, twirling it a few times to test the balance and weight.

Abruptly she made her decision, and went back inside the store to pay; as she'd suspected, the staff was very dear, but she could afford it, just.

They were back to the speeder before Vale said anything else. "You seem to have purchased quite a lot today," he said, his voice tinted with amusement.

"Yes, well, I haven't bought almost anything since I…since I left. I'm glad, honestly – I probably would have bought more hideous Jedi clothes," she joked.

He smiled as he stowed her items in the storage compartment; she would hold the staff herself. "I wouldn't call your clothes hideous, but I must confess…" he lowered his voice, "I would be happy to see you in something that befits your beauty, maybe in a color that matches your eyes…"

She blushed and looked down, but a small smile graced her lips.

She mounted the speeder behind him once more, and once they were out of Voss-Ka she tightened her arm around him – the other was holding her staff to the side – while still leaving herself enough room to look around at the entrancing landscape.

He took her to a rise east of the town; the drive took thirty minutes, and when they got to the top she could see the round roofs of the Voss-Ka buildings in the distance. Besides that, the gold, amber, and red hues of Voss's foliage spread out before them in undulating waves, broken only by some areas of stark stone, and the valleys and canyons that crossed the landscape.

Leaning her staff against the speeder, she walked toward the edge of the cliff, pausing before she got too close.

"Some time ago, when my cousin first told me about Voss, she warned me I might become enamored of this place, if I ever were to visit," she said softly.

Vale came up behind her, sliding one arm around her waist. "Is it just the place?" he teased. But then he seemed to note her strange mood. "Something troubles you."

"It's very difficult for me to brood privately when you can always tell if I'm upset," she replied, a smile in her voice.

"I beg your pardon."

She sighed. "I don't know what to do," she whispered. "Although I always had my doubts about being a Jedi, when I was with them I did feel like I had a purpose. Helping others. When I left them, luckily my cousin was able to give me a place, so I could continue doing that…"

"Are you happy with the work you do with her?"

"I…suppose, yes."

"Then what is the problem?"

She broke away from him, and went to sit near the trees a little further back, in the soft golden grass. She ran her hands over it absently, letting the blades brush her palm. Vale sat down across from her, waiting patiently for her to continue.

She didn't really know how to do so – she felt so hesitant, so uncertain, the opposite of how she'd felt a few hours ago when they'd left the enclave, full of bright optimism and confidence.

"I know…you said that we could figure this out," she said, staring down at her hands. "But…what do you think is the proper outcome? I think yet again my lack of experience has…confused me, or…"

She stopped, and looked up at him. What she wanted to say, was that she knew he thought they could have a relationship wherein she continued traveling with her cousin, and he remained here, on Voss, doing…perhaps some other, less intimate sort of healing. And she didn't know if she could deal with that. Instead, she said only, "I don't think we have the same idea of what the best resolution even is."

"Ah. I see." He captured her hands, which were now clutched together, knuckles almost white.

"You are probably correct, but…perhaps this is one of the things we must work together to solve?" She gave a little nod, but swallowed. "I confess I do not…relish the idea of being without you for…weeks at a time, while you go on missions with your cousin and her crew; but this is my own failing, and I can overcome it if I—"

He was interrupted by her mouth covering his, nearly toppling him into the grass with the force of her embrace.

After a few minutes during which they got effectively distracted from the matter at hand, and ended up lying on the grass, limbs entwined, he drew back to regard her fondly, brushing his thumb over lips that curved broadly.

"I did not expect you to be so overcome by my mere willingness to compromise," he marveled.

"I'm relieved that while you can sense my emotions you definitely have no idea what actual thoughts are running through my head," she responded happily.

"I…well no, I certainly cannot tell what you're thinking, but what do you mean?"

"I will tell you, but it brings me back to my original problem, which is…well. Let me explain." She sat up, pulling him with her, until they knelt in front of each other.

"I was wondering…what I might find to do…" she closed her eyes and bit her lip. She _could_ say it, and she would – he'd clearly just told her he didn't want to be away from her, and had spent the entire day reaffirming his feelings…

"What I might find to do, here on Voss."

He was very still for a moment, and when he replied his voice was hesitant. "You mean that…that you would stay here?" A heavy pause. "Permanently?"

She sighed. Clearly she'd misjudged the propriety of this suggestion; perhaps when off-worlders were in relationships with Voss, they weren't even allowed to remain here…

"I apologize, I should not have presumed," she whispered.

"Asha! No, I—it did not occur to me that you would consider this an option!" He put a hand to her face. "I…I just assumed, that we would…that you would wish to continue as you were, and not have your life disrupted…I did not allow myself to consider the possibility that you…that we might…"

She had never heard him at such a loss, and it was terribly endearing. She leaned forward and kissed him once more, but only briefly, careful not to let them get off track again.

"I don't know how it would work," she admitted, "but…if you think it's viable somehow, then…"

He still looked stunned. "I will have to think about it – I know of almost no off-worlders who have come here to stay, but…but surely, there is a way?" Now his voice had become eager, almost breathless, and she smiled at him, his enthusiasm for this idea exceeding all her expectations.

"I can hardly imagine…the idea that you and I might…live together, as…oh!"

She tilted her head, bewildered by the abrupt change in his manner.

"I apologize for confusing you," he said with a little smile, "but I must admit, I am unprepared…it never really occurred to me, before, that I might…that someone would consent to join their life with mine, considering I am without family, and my profession, I just always assumed…I would spend my life in the Enclave, alone."

Asha felt a wave of sympathy – they were more alike than either of them had realized in the beginning.

"But I believe I am correct in assuming that my lack of a family does not concern you?"

She shook her head with a little smile. "Not at all."

"And we have already discussed my work, so…" he took her hands, and she had not seen him smile quite like that before, almost with abandon. It was infectious.

"You know, something has just occurred to me," he added. "You have been worried, several times before, by your inexperience, yes?" She nodded. "But this…all of this is new to me. Holding my lover's hand…" He linked his fingers with hers. "Speaking of our love for one another." He brushed a lock of pale amber hair away from her face, and her heart began to race. "Kissing her beneath the trees."

She leaned forward, her hand slipping behind his neck as their lips met. She rose to her knees, her hand moving up to cradle his head against her, fingers lightly running over his smooth skin, and the ridges that echoed the exquisite colors on his face.

Eventually they had to break apart to breath properly, and she pulled his head against her chest, closing her eyes as they embraced one another.

"The thought does comfort me," she whispered. "That we will discover all this together."

His arms tightened around her.

"We should get back, we must eat," he said eventually. "And…make plans."

She almost shivered at his words; he was referring to plans they must make for their life… _together_. She could barely comprehend this.

Not even two weeks ago, she'd been alone, daydreaming of Zenith responding to her clumsy overtures. And while he had, in a way, it had turned into an utter disaster…but one that had led her here.

Zell was going to lose her mind when she told her…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This may be the end of the story, unless I get enough feedback to encourage me to continue it; there's always more of them being sappy with one another, getting married, the angst of going back to the ship and seeing Zenith again, her cousin's shock and eventual excitement over the change of circumstances; I also had some stuff planned about her working to protect pilgrims on Voss and trying to track down what happened to his family. But this is at least a decent stopping point. :)


End file.
